Give me some dialogue from your day

[MontyVeda]

a handful of eavesdroppings from the new sales staff at work this week....

"Is Derby in Derbyshire?"

"Is Leeds near Wiltshire?"

Q: "Where's Columbus at?" A: "Columbus isn't a place, he's that bloke who thought the world was flat."

"Paris isn't abroad." justified by, "It's just over a bit of water."

 

[Arch]

NT, reaching for a biscuit. "I'm not sure a biscuit is the right thing to have with wine.."
Me: No. I was thinking of something more cheesy (there are some mini-cheddars in the cupboard)
NT and I simultaneously. "Cheese! That's the right thing to have with wine!"

Luckily, there was some in the fridge.

 

[Arch]

Earlier in the week. I'm collecting recycling with the trike in the city centre. A lady comes out of her flat as I'm working. An old lady, one of those little sprightly types.

Old Lady: Oh, you all do such a good job!
Me: Thank you!
Old Lady: There's just so much packaging on everything these days!
Me: I know, it's daft.

At this point, in order to get more into my box of cardboard, I put it on the ground and stand in it to trample the cardboard flat.

Old Lady: I do try to flatten it all down. Maybe I should be fatter!
Me, joking: Oh don't you worry, leave it to me to be fat.
Old Lady: Well yes. Bye!

Me:

 

[Hill Wimp]

Today im on cyclechat chuckling away to all your threads and at the time it was "mundane news". Then big clap of thunder/lightning and i dropped my magnum so i posted that bit of mundane news.
Fellow poster suggested that was a good excuse for buying a carbon bike .... thunder/lighting etc to which i had a lightbulb moment.

Me .... darling you know its my birthday next week and you have asked what i want?

Him .... mmmmmm i have got a couple of ideas

Me ... well a new carbon frame would be nice

Him ....... yeah and next you will be telling me that will prevent you getting struck by lighting and help your rubbish climbing technique too. I was thinking more of a couple of new inner tubes so you stop pinching mine.

That told me

 

[gbb]

No smilies, but ive got my mock chauvanistic head on...we're laying on lilos inthe Med off the Turkish coast..the wife says, as we idle there..
'I hope you remembered the blah blah'
'Not my job to remember things, thats your job'
'Yeah, thats about right' she replies...'you'll only haveyourself to blame if we havnt got it'
'Oh no, thats the joy of being a man, you get to rely on the wife to remember everything, and better still, you have someone to blame when it all goes wrong...what more can a man ask for !!!!!.'

Now then, where is that black eye emoticon.....

 

[Crackle]

Me thinking: That car's coming out that junction awful slow, I'll have to brake. Feck me there's a caravan behind it! (brakes hard)
Me to myself: "And today children, through the square window, we can see a nice end bathroom, mid kitchen with oven and microwave and two nice settees with a flat screen tv, topped off with a lovely panoramic window..."

 

[Arch]

Me, on my bike, to a bunch of girls ambling about in the middle of the road: Careful! There is traffic on this road you know! (central York has a lot of ped only streets, and people tend to assume they are all traffic free).
Girl: Yeah, we're trying to cross the road!
Me: Well try a bit harder and get out of the middle of it!

(Honestly, they were just standing there gabbing!)

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Me: sorry I'm late *cough* put the wrong fuel in my car and had to get the AA out, that cost £250 + a load of wasted fuel.

Mrs 3BM: aren't you covered for that?

Me: no, they don't cover you for being a twat!

 

[Hill Wimp]

brilliant

 

[robjh]

Not dialogue from my day, but my OH's, who was teaching in a junior school on the edges of Cambridgeshire, and getting the children to address envelopes home.

'Mrs robjh, how do you spell f**k ?
'I beg your pardon David, what word was that?'
'F**k. I live in Suffolk and I can spell 'Suff' but I don't know the rest of it.

 

[Night Train]

I am in the local DIY shed when Dad calls to ask me to pick up some roofing felt for his shed.

Me: How big is the shed roof?

Dad: Oh, about 20 feet long 5 feet wide.

Me: OK, that's about 6 metres by 1.5 metres. The rolls are 10 metres by 1 metre. You will need at least two layers....

Dad: I want to have three layers of felt.

Me: Well, if you don't mind having a join in one of the layers you can do it with two rolls as you will get one and 2/3 layers per roll. You can put the 2/3 long bits on first overlapping and then two long lengths over to get you the three layers you want.

Dad: will that give me the three layers?

Me: Yes, if you don't mind the join in one of the layers. Or I could get three rolls and you you can do it with no joints.

Dad: How much is a roll?

Me: One roll is £22 but if I get three rolls they come down to £17 each.

Dad: Just get me one roll for now.

Me: But one roll will only cover one and a half layers, it won't be enough.

Dad: That's ok, I'm not going to do the job straight away.

Me: It doesn't matter when you do it, it still won't be enough to do the roof.

Dad: We can sort that out later.

Me: So you want me to get you one roll of felt now, and then when you start doing the job and you see there isn't enough then you will want me to come out and get another roll for you?

Dad: Well there might be enough so I might not need another roll.

Me: Are you sure about that, Dad?

Dad: Yeah, it will be OK, we can sort it when I an ready to do it.

Me:


I bring back one roll of felt for him.

 

[swee'pea99]

I am in the local DIY shed when Dad calls to ask me to pick up some roofing felt for his shed.

Me: How big is the shed roof?

Dad: Oh, about 20 feet long 5 feet wide.

Me: OK, that's about 6 metres by 1.5 metres. The rolls are 10 metres by 1 metre. You will need at least two layers....

Dad: I want to have three layers of felt.

Me: Well, if you don't mind having a join in one of the layers you can do it with two rolls as you will get one and 2/3 layers per roll. You can put the 2/3 long bits on first overlapping and then two long lengths over to get you the three layers you want.

Dad: will that give me the three layers?

Me: Yes, if you don't mind the join in one of the layers. Or I could get three rolls and you you can do it with no joints.

Dad: How much is a roll?

Me: One roll is £22 but if I get three rolls they come down to £17 each.

Dad: Just get me one roll for now.

Me: But one roll will only cover one and a half layers, it won't be enough.

Dad: That's ok, I'm not going to do the job straight away.

Me: It doesn't matter when you do it, it still won't be enough to do the roof.

Dad: We can sort that out later.

Me: So you want me to get you one roll of felt now, and then when you start doing the job and you see there isn't enough then you will want me to come out and get another roll for you?

Dad: Well there might be enough so I might not need another roll.

Me: Are you sure about that, Dad?

Dad: Yeah, it will be OK, we can sort it when I an ready to do it.

Me:


I bring back one roll of felt for him.

Sounds like wife-logic to me. Disturbing to see it in a chap.

 

[steve52]

wend! my wee,s gone pink!

 

[postman]

Sorry i don't drink.
that was my reply to the AA man stood outside St Johns Centre today.Trying to get people to sign up for car rescue.I just had to it was too good an opportunity to pass up.

 

[Arch]

I am in the local DIY shed when Dad calls to ask me to pick up some roofing felt for his shed.

Me: How big is the shed roof?

Dad: Oh, about 20 feet long 5 feet wide.

Me: OK, that's about 6 metres by 1.5 metres. The rolls are 10 metres by 1 metre. You will need at least two layers....

Dad: I want to have three layers of felt.

Me: Well, if you don't mind having a join in one of the layers you can do it with two rolls as you will get one and 2/3 layers per roll. You can put the 2/3 long bits on first overlapping and then two long lengths over to get you the three layers you want.

Dad: will that give me the three layers?

Me: Yes, if you don't mind the join in one of the layers. Or I could get three rolls and you you can do it with no joints.

Dad: How much is a roll?

Me: One roll is £22 but if I get three rolls they come down to £17 each.

Dad: Just get me one roll for now.

Me: But one roll will only cover one and a half layers, it won't be enough.

Dad: That's ok, I'm not going to do the job straight away.

Me: It doesn't matter when you do it, it still won't be enough to do the roof.

Dad: We can sort that out later.

Me: So you want me to get you one roll of felt now, and then when you start doing the job and you see there isn't enough then you will want me to come out and get another roll for you?

Dad: Well there might be enough so I might not need another roll.

Me: Are you sure about that, Dad?

Dad: Yeah, it will be OK, we can sort it when I an ready to do it.

Me:


I bring back one roll of felt for him.

Should have got three, and then charged him £22 a time as he discovered he needed them, having gone out and pretended to buy each one....