Give me some dialogue from your day

[Herr-B]

A colleague had sent an email around the company telling everyone that a certain server that'd failed was working again. It was one of several emails on the subject so he just kept the subject and put the text 'Back up'.

Our receptionist phoned me ten minutes later asking how she should back up our software.

Me - Eh?

She - I've just got an email asking me to back up (name of software).

Me - No, no, no, nooo. The server is back up.

Phone goes down.

Me - Hey lads, you'll never guess what . . .

 

[Biscuit]

Me: Is anyone using this fan?
Bod: You can take it, but I'll break your legs.
Me: Ok I'll order one then, thx for your help.

 

[Matthew_T]

Me (answering mobile call from stepdaughter): "Hiya!"

Stepdaughter's phone: Crackle, thump, crackle, bang, crackle ...

Me: "Hello?"

Stepdaughter's phone: Crackle, thump, crackle, bang, crackle ...

Me (shouting into my phone): "YOU HAVE ACCIDENTALLY PHONED ME!"

Stepdaughter's phone: Crackle, thump, crackle, bang, crackle ...

Me (shouting into my phone): "YOU-HAVE-ACCIDENTALLY-PHONED-ME!"

Stepdaughter's phone: Crackle, thump, crackle, bang, crackle ...

Me: "Oh flipping heck ..."

Me (texting): "H.a.n.g..u.p..-..y.o.u..h.a.v.e..a.c.c.i......."

(Time passes - slowly!)

Incoming text: "Hi Col - sorry about that - phone in pocket of tight jeans! Will ring you later for chat. xx"

Quite the opposite happened to me a while ago.

I arrive on a Tuesday morning at college.
Other student to me: Why weren't you in yesterday?
Me: I didnt feel well.
Student: You missed the interview.
Me: What interview?
Student: The interview with the woman from the other week. About the placement.
Me: I wasnt told anything about that.
Student: Dave was wondering where you were.

Later I decide to head to the staff room to ask Dave about it and why I wasnt told.
Me: Hi Dave, ----- told me that there was an interview yesterday with the woman about a placement.
Dave: Yes, I was wondering where you were. I sent you a text last week about it.
Me: (Checking my phone) I havent received any text about anything.
Dave: Well I sent it to you. We were waiting for you yesterday and you just didnt turn up.
Me: Well I didnt know.

Dave gave me the impression that he didnt really care. I dont think he sent me the text at all as I have no record of it. I was not very happy with Dave's attempt of contacting me. He sent one text which I didnt get, and blamed me.

 

[GrasB]

Nurse: This is a little concerning, you heart rate isn't elevated... it's almost low.
Me: And it is?
Nurse: 62
Me: That's twenty over resting
Nurse: ... and isn't in you file?

 

[TVC]

My Latvian colleague had been struggling winding an inductive coil;

"Aarrgh Stupid Universe"

 

[gavgav]

In a meeting with Physio's today, one of them is experiencing problems with network connectivity on her laptop and the following conversation ensues........."I'm having trouble with my laptop Gavin, can I please have one of those dangle's for it!!!" to which I reply "I think you mean a dOngle and not a dAngle" which led to a very embarrassed Physio !!

 

[Arch]

We've been turning an old wooden crate into a little bedside cabinet for the guest room.

NT: I wonder if we should make a drawer or tray for the top section.

Me: Maybe we can find something that fits

<NT disappears, wearing his thinking face>

<Me carries on painting>

<NT reappears, brandishing a rather deep, long drawer from an old wardrobe.>

NT: Well, there's this, it's too deep and too long.

Me, slightly sarcastically: So, apart from that it's perfect, darling

NT: I'll make it fit.

And he did.

 

[Andy_R]

We've been turning an old wooden crate into a little bedside cabinet for the guest room.

NT: I wonder if we should make a drawer or tray for the top section.

Me: Maybe we can find something that fits

<NT disappears, wearing his thinking face>

<Me carries on painting>

<NT reappears, brandishing a rather deep, long drawer from an old wardrobe.>

NT: Well, there's this, it's too deep and too long.

Me, slightly sarcastically: So, apart from that it's perfect, darling

NT: I'll make it fit.

And he did.

 

[Biscuit]

This ensued at tea break.

Colleague1: Anyone seen the bird in the car park
Colleague2: Whereabouts?
Colleague1:Over by the bins. It's so cute.
Colleague2:Oh yeah, think I see it. What's so cute about that?
Colleague1: It's sun bathing - has been all morning
Me: It's kin dead you idiot!
*Exit Colleague1 in tears heading for the loos*
Me: Ooops. Think I upset her.

 

[Archie_tect]

Perhaps they meant that woman sunbathing....

 

[Biscuit]

Perhaps they meant that woman sunbathing....

The local stray has removed the body - apart from the feathers. One man's trash is another man's treasure!

 

[gbb]

The local stray has removed the body - apart from the feathers. One man's trash is another man's treasure!

Reminds me of a sight at work one cold cold winters day. We had a couple of young feral cats that took up residence on site near the workshops.
Every Sunday i was working, i'd take them some meat or on this occasion, some spare rib bones. It was -10C, bitterly cold, i was thinking about them as i went to work...i needn't have bothered !!!!
I opened the workshop doors to feed them....and was confronted by one of them sat 10ft away, looking surprised as i opened the door....with a spray of feathers sticking out of its mouth

What did i think ?...it sat there all day waiting for me to feed it ?...of course not you silly bugger.

Todays for me...i'm fitting new chargers for the new forklift trucks
'You've got a problem'
'Whassat ?'
'Ive just took down the old chargers....they're actually single phase...the new ones are three phase, there isnt a three phase supply in there '
' Whats the options ?'
'We wait till the electrician comes back tomorrow, he'll have to put a supply in'
'How do we charge the new batteries up tonight ?'
' I refit the old chargers i just took down....and wire them back in '

 

[Finnjävel]

A throughly disturbed Finnjävel walks into a LBS with his trusty old commuter MTB.
LBS guy: "So, what can I do for you?"
Finnjävel: "Get me some psychoactive medication, or ear protection, or make my brakes stop squealing."
LBSG: "Let's look at the brakes first."
FJ: "Let's."
LBSG: "OK, looks like you have the kind of brakes that have a tendency to squeal."
FJ: "What can we do about it?"
LBSG: "We can change the brakes."
FJ: "To what kind of brakes?"
LBSG: "To the kind that doesn't squeal."
FJ: "Let's do that. Is it going to be expensive?"
LBSG: "Yes, it is. But they don't squeal."
FJ: "Let's do that."
LBSG: "So, when do you need the bike back?"
FJ: "When it has stopped squealing."
LBSG: "That'll be wednesday."

If the new brakes don't squeal, I'm going to hug the guy, beard or not.

 

[SamC]

My colleague, on the phone to a client, arranging to transfer them to a lawyer:

Colleague: I'll take a few of your details, then check if someone's a vegetable...
Me: Available?

Strangely enough, the client didn't seem to notice .

 

[gbb]

We're getting ready to shoot over to my sons to see them all (2 gorgeous grandaughters particually)
We're stood in the kitchen, the wife is rummaging round in her bag..
'Have you seen my keys ?'
'No'...as i start to look on the kitchen table etc.
'Crikey, i hope i didnt leave them in the front door'
'Bugger...did you take them upstairs ?'
'No...oh gawld, i hope i didnt leave them in the door' as she's just opened the door to check.

I'm still stood in the kitchen, i look at the back door...three feet away from where we started this conversation....
'You silly mare ...whats that in the lock ?'

Wife...
Me...

5 minutes later, we're sat in my sons living room. Our youngest grandaughter (aged 4) has settled herself next to the wife, who dutifully reads two books to her. She finished the second one and our grandaughter promptly pulls out a third.
'Thats enough now, i'll never be finished at this rate '

She jumps down....places the two books nans just read to her back in the drawer....then plonks herself next to me...
...and hands me The Gruffalo ...
How can you refuse ?....'Ya little monkey '