Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
You're never too old.
Well, unless you're like, 112 or something.
You're not, are you?
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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You're never too old.
Well, unless you're like, 112 or something.
You're not, are you?
laurence
Veteran
- Location
- in the aeroplane over the sea
i'm 111
You are Bilbo Baggins AICMFP
BigonaBianchi
Yes I can, Yes I am, Yes I did...Repeat.
- Location
- Iskele TRNC & Mordor UK
"want to join our foo fighter tribute act?"
when's the first gig?
"Festival...mid june...two 12 song sets..."
right....erm...(deducts six weeks cycling between now and then)....yikes...
when's the first gig?
"Festival...mid june...two 12 song sets..."
right....erm...(deducts six weeks cycling between now and then)....yikes...
snorri
Legendary Member
- Location
- East coast, up a bit.
I answer my home 'phone this morning.
Caller Hello! Am I speaking to Mr XXXXXX,
Me You might be , who are you?
Caller I'm from computer fixit ..bla bla ....errors on your pc.... I can help you.
Me It sounds as if you are just reading a script there.
Him What do you mean ?
Me Your voice doe not sound natural, just like someone giving a spiel.
Him You are very rude, I never want to meet anyone so rude as you.
Me But we have not met, I do not know you.
Him F***er
Call disconnected.
Caller Hello! Am I speaking to Mr XXXXXX,
Me You might be , who are you?
Caller I'm from computer fixit ..bla bla ....errors on your pc.... I can help you.
Me It sounds as if you are just reading a script there.
Him What do you mean ?
Me Your voice doe not sound natural, just like someone giving a spiel.
Him You are very rude, I never want to meet anyone so rude as you.
Me But we have not met, I do not know you.
Him F***er
Call disconnected.
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Oh well, there you are the, the world is your lobster, or something.
You could get a job as a set of cricket stumps, for example.
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
he's not 111, he's ill... [apologies to Ken Dodd.]
Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
Going to pick up some bits of removed kitchen from a friend of a friend.
FoF: The cabinets were broken up I'm afraid, but the bits are here, in the skip, if there is any of it that is still useful.
Me: (Spies a 9" x 12' RSJ) Kitchen cabinets? I though I was collecting that bit of 'scrap metal'.
FoF: Haha! Well if you can pick it up you can have it!
Me: Is that a bet or a dare?
FoF: The cabinets were broken up I'm afraid, but the bits are here, in the skip, if there is any of it that is still useful.
Me: (Spies a 9" x 12' RSJ) Kitchen cabinets? I though I was collecting that bit of 'scrap metal'.
FoF: Haha! Well if you can pick it up you can have it!
Me: Is that a bet or a dare?
Nigel-YZ1
Guru
- Location
- Somewhere else... maybe soon.
At the dentist for a clean:
Dentist: How long is it since your last clean?
Me: Don't know, maybe 34 years.
Dentist: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I was about 11 and had a filling.
Dentist: How often do you visit the dentist?
Me: Apart from the last couple of years, I'd say 34 years since my last visit.
Dentist: Your teeth don't need much of a clean - Are you trying to put me out of business??
Dentist: How long is it since your last clean?
Me: Don't know, maybe 34 years.
Dentist: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I was about 11 and had a filling.
Dentist: How often do you visit the dentist?
Me: Apart from the last couple of years, I'd say 34 years since my last visit.
Dentist: Your teeth don't need much of a clean - Are you trying to put me out of business??
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
This is no joke, really.
We visited friends last night, first time in ages I must admit so we lost track of whats happening for them.
As we arrived, she came out to meet us, quite tearful.
'If its a bad time, we'll come back another day'
'No, its ok, he's just had some bad news'
He's not a spring chicken, has health issues, diabetic etc etc. TBH I thought he'd been given some terrible news re his health.
We went in and greeted him, he looked ok TBF considering his problms. He passed an envelope, I thought oh oh, bad news from the hospital...but no...its a sympathy card from his doctors, to his family, offering condolences for HIS DEATH.
I cant relate what he said, but it wasn't pleasant.
'Frikkin hell, things are bad, but frikkin hell' he said.
I cant imagine how id feel in his place. I know mistakes happen, but b'stards.
We visited friends last night, first time in ages I must admit so we lost track of whats happening for them.
As we arrived, she came out to meet us, quite tearful.
'If its a bad time, we'll come back another day'
'No, its ok, he's just had some bad news'
He's not a spring chicken, has health issues, diabetic etc etc. TBH I thought he'd been given some terrible news re his health.
We went in and greeted him, he looked ok TBF considering his problms. He passed an envelope, I thought oh oh, bad news from the hospital...but no...its a sympathy card from his doctors, to his family, offering condolences for HIS DEATH.
I cant relate what he said, but it wasn't pleasant.
'Frikkin hell, things are bad, but frikkin hell' he said.
I cant imagine how id feel in his place. I know mistakes happen, but b'stards.
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
More of a monologue...but to my younger trainee colleague...
'Right D***, i've got to pass comment on the job we've just done, no point in pussy footing about and sorry to be blunt.
One, i told you we were going to undo lid A to inspect inside. I went round the other side to undo the fasteners on that side...i get there and you're undoing the fasteners on lid B. We don't have the time to mess about, you're either not listening, or you're not concentrating.
Two, i come round to your side and you've just scraped crap off the parts...onto the floor. It looks a mess and it's dangerous. People will slip and we don't want to give them one chance to complain, anyway, it's just not the way to work D***.
Three, before you put the lid back on, you scraped the crap off it onto the edge of the machine and i had to tell you to clean it all off, same as before D***, it's just not the way to work, you can't carry on like that.
Four, you stood there with the key looking at it when we were wrapping up...it wasn't going to put itself away (i was getting impatient waiting for him), so i asked you to put it back (in its rightful place, where he got it from)/...you stood there, turned round about 3 times and i had to point out where the key goes. Clear mind D***, think clearly and to the point, we're wasting too much time messing about, you have to clear your mind and concentrate'
D***...
'Sorry
, i suppose you're right, it could be dangerous all that stuff on the floor'
Give me strength
'Right D***, i've got to pass comment on the job we've just done, no point in pussy footing about and sorry to be blunt.
One, i told you we were going to undo lid A to inspect inside. I went round the other side to undo the fasteners on that side...i get there and you're undoing the fasteners on lid B. We don't have the time to mess about, you're either not listening, or you're not concentrating.
Two, i come round to your side and you've just scraped crap off the parts...onto the floor. It looks a mess and it's dangerous. People will slip and we don't want to give them one chance to complain, anyway, it's just not the way to work D***.
Three, before you put the lid back on, you scraped the crap off it onto the edge of the machine and i had to tell you to clean it all off, same as before D***, it's just not the way to work, you can't carry on like that.
Four, you stood there with the key looking at it when we were wrapping up...it wasn't going to put itself away (i was getting impatient waiting for him), so i asked you to put it back (in its rightful place, where he got it from)/...you stood there, turned round about 3 times and i had to point out where the key goes. Clear mind D***, think clearly and to the point, we're wasting too much time messing about, you have to clear your mind and concentrate'
D***...
'Sorry
, i suppose you're right, it could be dangerous all that stuff on the floor'Give me strength
Andrew_Culture
Internet Marketing bod
- Location
- The People's Republic Of Suffolk.
My wife - "Would you like pasta tonight instead of chilli so you can carb-load?"
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
Our kid's friend to our kid -
Emily in year 5 told the Ofsted inspectors that school was lame.
Emily in year 5 told the Ofsted inspectors that school was lame.
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
No dialogue but a bit of a standoff in the yard between our elderly fat limpy old cat and next doors ancient deaf dog - death stares for about 10 minutes until our flabby old tub got bored and sloped off.
