Give me some dialogue from your day

[Andrew_Culture]

conductor on train "I don't think you're going to get that bike on"
me "Seriously? I've stood waiting half an hour for this train"
conductor "there's loads of suitcases in the way"
Me "But that's the bike space, it says so there" (pointing petulantly at the picture of a bike on the door)
Conductor "do you want to ask people to move them?"
Me "If you like"
I was all set for my "right ladies and gents if you want to get moving any time soon it's time to rearrange the luggage" speech, but the conductor managed to make enough space for me.

Off topic, but I was astounded that if I put my bike on the rack that some trains have it dangles and swings around l,e a wrongun. My bikes are huge, gawd knows what size bike you'd need for the wheels t actually touch the ground.

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Off topic, but I was astounded that if I put my bike on the rack that some trains have it dangles and swings around l,e a wrongun. My bikes are huge, gawd knows what size bike you'd need for the wheels t actually touch the ground.

Also OT, but on our world tour, one train conductor (on the west highland line which we used to jump 1 station to cross from west coast Scotland to east coast Scotland) tried to insist that the front wheels of our fully laden tourers were also up in the air on those hooks. We just looked at her blankly (we were ony going 1 stop, 15 mins and there were no other bikes on the train). Its the rules we were told. Given it had taken 2 of us to lift my OH's bike onto the train because it was so high off the platform we were left wonderfing exactly how she expected us to get these bikes suspended from the roof of the train. Needless to say after one or two more words, we did not hang our bikes nor did we bother sitting in seats (something else that 'annoyed' her). I was rather glad to be getting off at the next station!

 

[i hate hills]

Dialogue from todays shift......me to engineer "give me some inspirational words to get me through to the end of my shift " engineer to me "F off i'm busy " There you have it folks another reason why we are one big happy family at work. ( the homicide rate per shift has dropped just a tad year on year )

 

[ColinJ]

Muscular, drunken young man at front of queue at Spar, his back to the till, at two young women leaving shop: "Don't f***in' tell me that! Which f***kin' pub are you f***in' goin' to!"

Intimidated small middle-aged woman nervous about him: "Er, can I go ahead of you?"

Muscular drunk: "Huh, what? Er, yeah ... So what f***in' pub, eh!"

Young women have left the building. Nervous woman has paid and fled. The drunk is still staring at the door and swaying back and forth. I sidestep him and chuck my chocolate on the counter behind him and pay for it. He lurches round to face the till and catches me picking up my booty ...

Muscular drunk: "WTF! Is everybody jumping the f***in' queue, or what! Were you f***in' in front of me?"

Me (thinking "Oh super, I'm already buggered by illness and probably incapable of defending myself against this loutish guy if he turns nasty, and I'm on Warfarin so I'm going to bleed a lot if he batters me."): "No, but you seemed to be busy talking to those young women so I thought I'd just buy this chocolate and get on my way ..."

Muscular drunk (swaying): "Huh? Oh, er, okay then!"

I leave before he has a chance to reconsider his battering options ...



Why are some beefy young men so bloody scary!

 

[ColinJ]

Off topic, but I was astounded that if I put my bike on the rack that some trains have it dangles and swings around l,e a wrongun. My bikes are huge, gawd knows what size bike you'd need for the wheels t actually touch the ground.

Always carry at least one spare bungee cord to secure your bike!

 

[GrasB]

Why are some beefy young men so bloody scary!

I duno but it can be very useful. Get a lippy ranting & raving motorist, just stand up straight & unzip jersey/jacket... they normally stop in their tracks. Not that I have any intention of doing anything, but the action of unzipping the top & the fact I'm muscular makes people think about the possibilities. If anyone brings it up as intimidation, it's because due to the lowered wind chill factor of not riding I'm getting too hot & want to cool down a bit .

 

[gbb]

I duno but it can be very useful. Get a lippy ranting & raving motorist, just stand up straight & unzip jersey/jacket... they normally stop in their tracks. Not that I have any intention of doing anything, but the action of unzipping the top & the fact I'm muscular makes people think about the possibilities. If anyone brings it up as intimidation, it's because due to the lowered wind chill factor of not riding I'm getting too hot & want to cool down a bit .

My dad had a funny one years ago..in his prime he was quite a big fella but at the time had a BL Mini. Coming round a R/A with my mum sitting beside him, a car tried to muscle in front to take the next exit (my dad was in the right, the other guy was trying to bully his way in). Some exchanges on the horn took place and as they exited the R/A, the guy jumped out of his car and made toward my dad. He promptly got out the car, he said the fella blanched a tad as he realised the size of him.....then the coup de grace was dad telling mum....'Hold these for me Dot'......as he handed her his false teeth .

The guy turned tail and screeched off. The irony is, my dad is one of the gentlest gentlemen you'll ever meet.

 

[swee'pea99]

My dad had a funny one years ago..in his prime he was quite a big fella but at the time had a BL Mini. Coming round a R/A with my mum sitting beside him, a car tried to muscle in front to take the next exit (my dad was in the right, the other guy was trying to bully his way in). Some exchanges on the horn took place and as they exited the R/A, the guy jumped out of his car and made toward my dad. He promptly got out the car, he said the fella blanched a tad as he realised the size of him.....then the coup de grace was dad telling mum....'Hold these for me Dot'......as he handed her his false teeth .

The guy turned tail and screeched off. The irony is, my dad is one of the gentlest gentlemen you'll ever meet.

Walking down the road, must be 30-some years ago now, I heard a roar of fury and turned to see a cyclist who'd clearly just been cut up badly slam his hand down on the roof of the car. The driver jumped about 6". Then after much furious fumbling, he got out, at which point the cyclist dismounted, proving to be about 6'8" and built like the proverbial. Driver stopped, got meekly back in his car, and drove away.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

In a show of supreme helpfulness I did some laundry the other day*:

Mrs 3BM: Where's my stuff from the line?

Me: Got wet so I chucked it on spin in the washer.

Mrs 3BM (looking pale): What speed?

Me: Dunno

Mrs 3BM:



*first time I've used this washing machine, in fact it's the first time I've used any of our last 3 washing machines!

 

[TVC]

I know - it looks like a dialogue, but actually it was a bit of a monologue. Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Been there, I've got a work mate who, no matter what the starting subject can get it round to 'Killzone' on the Playstation within 30 seconds, then drones on without interruption at least until you are completely out of earshot





Nice bike BTW

 

[Cubist]

Me "Well reff'd today sir. Has anyone bought you a pint yet?"
Ref "No, that'd be great."
Me (after ordering him a pint) "Not a bad match?"
Ref "No, you have a very strong pack."
Me "Well we play to our strengths."
Ref " Your backs need to watch the offside at the breakdowns."
Me " You certainly seemed to be watching it yourself. Mind you, you managed to let the opposition gain a yard or two."

I was grinning broadly at this stage.... it had been obvious that he was "evening things up", and had allowed their forwards to 'fringe round virtually every single ruck. He had pinged us about six times because out winger was occasionally a yard ahead of the line, but didn't ping them once for offside at the breakdowns.

Ref "Well, these things have a habit of evening themselves out don't they"
Me "It certainly looks that way."
Ref "Right, Mothers' Day duties calling."
Me (under my breath) "Not just me that thinks you're a mother' then .....?"

 

[Cubist]

Unctuous salesman: we put a caviar in our quotation to cover us against price rises in raw materials.

Do they slip a couple of jars of Beluga in to justify the size of the bills then?

 

[gbb]

Going to do a BOAB
Me to self...
'oh sweet Jesus, STFU will you'
The droning, pointless drivel thats coming out of someones mouth is making my heart rate increase, it's jangling on my nerve ends, i feel like getting up and walking away.
Me to self..
'Gahhhh, noooo, FFS, how many times are you going to say that in a slightly different order, but the same sh1t regardless'
Me to self...
' Must find out what engine oil i need for the car...be good to get it changed...etc etc'
My mind wandered, mercilessly oblivious to the drivel i was listening to

 

[Deleted member 20519]

Older gentleman in the street: Back in my day we used to have Sturmey Archer gears on the bikes. How many gears does your bike have, 3?
Me: 24
Older gentleman in the street:

 

[Arch]

Older gentleman in the street: Back in my day we used to have Sturmey Archer gears on the bikes. How many gear does your bike have, 3?
Me: 24
Older gentleman in the street:

I had an old chap look at my hub gear outside a shop and tell me that he'd once worked out a way to get as many as 5 gears into one. Yes, I said, mine has 8...

I didn't mention the potential of a Rohloff....