Andrew_Culture
Internet Marketing bod
- Location
- The People's Republic Of Suffolk.
My wife is grunting at the ipad and keeps saying 'arg, I'm loosing!?!'. I asked what game she's playing, 'fuzzy felts' was the answer...
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Reminds me of another canteen situation.At lunch -
person a: Say another word & I WILL hit you
person b: But
person a: *thump*
person b: OUCH! What was that for?
person a: You can have the ouch *thump* *thump* but *thump* *thump* SHUTUP!
person b:*silence*
Tony, colleague, he can talk a glass eye to sleep at a thousand paces. There's several of us sitting there at dinner, tony is reading his HGV training book, word for word, verbatim. No-ones really listening, some are getting irritated.
'Tony, fer chrissakes, pack it in'
Tony looks up...and grins inanely...then carries on.
'Tony, fer fcuks sake, once more and that books going out the window'
Tony looks up, stops yabbering for a minute and carries on reading.
Tony...'here, did you know ?.....'and before he finished the sentence, quick as a flash, the guy sat next to him whipped the book from his hands and flung it straight out the window.
'Bloody warned ya didn't i''
Tony was so thick skinned, he just grinned, laughed and went out to get his book....but he did quieten down for a while.
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
From last week:
We pulled the truck into the little carpark at some flats we collect recycling from, and there's an old lady standing there, who approaches my colleague Jonny.
Old Lady: Oh, hello. I live at number 27, and my lights gone. I've got a bulb. Can you put it in for me?
Jonny: Yeah, sure, ok.
So she leads him off to the stairs and he reports the conversation went as follows:
Old Lady: It's number 27, top of the stairs...
Up they go.
Old Lady: Go on in, number 27, it's open.
Jonny (tries door): Er, no, it's not.
Old Lady: Oh! Not 27. 26.
We pulled the truck into the little carpark at some flats we collect recycling from, and there's an old lady standing there, who approaches my colleague Jonny.
Old Lady: Oh, hello. I live at number 27, and my lights gone. I've got a bulb. Can you put it in for me?
Jonny: Yeah, sure, ok.
So she leads him off to the stairs and he reports the conversation went as follows:
Old Lady: It's number 27, top of the stairs...
Up they go.
Old Lady: Go on in, number 27, it's open.
Jonny (tries door): Er, no, it's not.
Old Lady: Oh! Not 27. 26.
Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
Overheard in Ikea today, in the 'storage boxes' section:
"They'll be fine if your bedroom's full of sh!t."
"They'll be fine if your bedroom's full of sh!t."
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
The drive belt has snapped on an outfeed conveyor of a packing machine.
'I'll go look if we have a spare, if not, i'll see if i can rob one off the machine in the other packhouse. BUT, if there isnt one to be found or borrowed...the machine could be out of action till Monday
'
'But we're busy, we've already got loads of work to do, we're going to be here till six oclock at least already'
(They ALWAYS say this...as if its suddenly going to make everything ok...BUT WE'RE REALLY BUSY)
'Sadly, that won't change anything, but let me go have a look first'
Over the radio...'Colin to Blah Blah, are you running the machine on Line 1 ?'
Blah Blah replies...'Yes it's running, and will be all day'. They've sensed what i was thinking and they're not letting me anywhere near it.
I did find a spare part, fitted it, test run and one hour later, away they went.
'Not too bad then eh ?'
'No, but its going to make it a very late day now '
'Perhaps it'd have been better if we DIDNT have the spare then ' i said sympathetically.
'Yep'...shrugs shoulders and looks peed off.
Can't win can you !!!
'I'll go look if we have a spare, if not, i'll see if i can rob one off the machine in the other packhouse. BUT, if there isnt one to be found or borrowed...the machine could be out of action till Monday
' 'But we're busy, we've already got loads of work to do, we're going to be here till six oclock at least already'(They ALWAYS say this...as if its suddenly going to make everything ok...BUT WE'RE REALLY BUSY
)'Sadly, that won't change anything, but let me go have a look first'
Over the radio...'Colin to Blah Blah, are you running the machine on Line 1 ?'
Blah Blah replies...'Yes it's running, and will be all day'. They've sensed what i was thinking and they're not letting me anywhere near it.
I did find a spare part, fitted it, test run and one hour later, away they went.
'Not too bad then eh ?'
'No, but its going to make it a very late day now '
'Perhaps it'd have been better if we DIDNT have the spare then ' i said sympathetically.
'Yep'...shrugs shoulders and looks peed off.
Can't win can you !!!
Si_
Regular
- Location
- North East England
0930 this morning
me (on mobile to girlfriend) "hi love, im ten miles out and my drive side cranks come loose could ya pop over and get me in the truck?"
Her "err ok, where are the keys? "
Me "oh sh1t.....their in my pocket."
Her (trying to sound sympathetic whilst holding in laughter) "oh dear - you ARE in a pickle"
0935
Me: "Hi mum, im ten miles out, and me drive side cranks come loose, (14mm bolt not allen head .. DOH) could you sort out a rescue?"
Mum " yeah ok dads on his way"
Me waiting for "the old man" in car, hearing faint thunderbirds theme tune in the background...
me (on mobile to girlfriend) "hi love, im ten miles out and my drive side cranks come loose could ya pop over and get me in the truck?"
Her "err ok, where are the keys? "
Me "oh sh1t.....their in my pocket."
Her (trying to sound sympathetic whilst holding in laughter) "oh dear - you ARE in a pickle"
0935
Me: "Hi mum, im ten miles out, and me drive side cranks come loose, (14mm bolt not allen head .. DOH) could you sort out a rescue?"
Mum " yeah ok dads on his way"
Me waiting for "the old man" in car, hearing faint thunderbirds theme tune in the background...
Andrew_Culture
Internet Marketing bod
- Location
- The People's Republic Of Suffolk.
Me to cabin crew after landing in strong cross winds, "So was that landing okay or was it interesting?"
Crew manager, "that was a VERY interesting landing!"
Crew manager, "that was a VERY interesting landing!"
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Was that offered in order to help you cope with new fatherhood? I'm not sure there's a drug out there that does that....
Blimey, I never knew, wow, congrats!
As I was sat expectantly in the MOT station, near an older couple
MOT bloke: "It's failed I'm afraid but just on a cut tyre, we have some in stock I can give you a price on"
Her: "That'll be the neighbours. Do you think it's the neighbours" She says disapprovingly
Him: "Do you have two in stock, I'm thinking a matched pair would be better" he says slowly and methodically
MOT bloke: "We do, how many miles has the other one done?"
Him: "45,000 now"
Her: "It's all that stuff they've got down. I bet it's the neighbours" She repeats with a slight tut
MOT bloke: "I think you're right then, I'll get you a price."
Her: "Do you think it's the neighbours?"
him: "Nooo.........kerbed maybe.........or a pothole"
Her "Potholes, that'll be the council.."
MOT bloke: "It's failed I'm afraid but just on a cut tyre, we have some in stock I can give you a price on"
Her: "That'll be the neighbours. Do you think it's the neighbours" She says disapprovingly
Him: "Do you have two in stock, I'm thinking a matched pair would be better" he says slowly and methodically
MOT bloke: "We do, how many miles has the other one done?"
Him: "45,000 now"
Her: "It's all that stuff they've got down. I bet it's the neighbours" She repeats with a slight tut
MOT bloke: "I think you're right then, I'll get you a price."
Her: "Do you think it's the neighbours?"
him: "Nooo.........kerbed maybe.........or a pothole"
Her "Potholes, that'll be the council.."
derrick
The Glue that binds us together.
- Location
- On the edge of London
A phone call to cycle surgery,
them. hello
me. hi is that cycle surgery
them. yes
me. i am trying to locate a cube agree gtc race in a 50 cm, do you have one in stock
them. i don't know.
then there was a silence.
me . hello are you there,
them. yes.
me. have you got one in stock.
them. what was it you were after.
me. a cube agree gtc race in a 50 cm,
Them. i will find out.
phone goes quiet for a couple of minutes,
them. what size do you want.
me. a size 50 cm.
them. hang on.
phone goes quiet.
them. i don't know,
me. is there anyone there who does know
them. i will find out.
me. really pissed of now, i put the phone down.
then i phoned http://www.certini.co.uk/
asked the same question, the guy said we don,t have one in stock, but if you leave me you number i will call you back, 25 mins later i get a call from a guy called Rob, say's we have located one can have it here in a couple of day's, bike now ordered.
The difference between the two shops, i will not be calling cycle surgery again.
them. hello
me. hi is that cycle surgery
them. yes
me. i am trying to locate a cube agree gtc race in a 50 cm, do you have one in stock
them. i don't know.
then there was a silence.
me . hello are you there,
them. yes.
me. have you got one in stock.
them. what was it you were after.
me. a cube agree gtc race in a 50 cm,
Them. i will find out.
phone goes quiet for a couple of minutes,
them. what size do you want.
me. a size 50 cm.
them. hang on.
phone goes quiet.
them. i don't know,
me. is there anyone there who does know
them. i will find out.
me. really pissed of now, i put the phone down.
then i phoned http://www.certini.co.uk/
asked the same question, the guy said we don,t have one in stock, but if you leave me you number i will call you back, 25 mins later i get a call from a guy called Rob, say's we have located one can have it here in a couple of day's, bike now ordered.
The difference between the two shops, i will not be calling cycle surgery again.
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Me: Oh, it's one of those with a plastic end.
NT: Let's have a look.
<some wrangling with a Leatherman>
NT: No, that'll need sawing off.
Me: Ok, I'll unpick the fabric from the spokes anyway, we'll cut it later.
NT: See, that's when you need one of those little bandsaws....
NT: Let's have a look.
<some wrangling with a Leatherman>
NT: No, that'll need sawing off.
Me: Ok, I'll unpick the fabric from the spokes anyway, we'll cut it later.
NT: See, that's when you need one of those little bandsaws....
