Confession Booth

[ComedyPilot]

Instant tee shirt message
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Begone heretic, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's t-shirt slogan.

Evil OUT

 

[ComedyPilot]

I've been putting some of the monthly budget away for some months now, so I nearly have enough for a bright new shiny bike weh hey!
BUT, I havn't told the uvver alf yet. How should I break the news?

Thou shalt not pull the wool over thy uvver alf's eyes, lest it lead you into temptatious behaviours. However, a woman dost not understand basic algebra, and the immense pressure and ultimate satisfaction that lies behind a n+1 urge.

Keep schtumm and I won't say owt. Baggsy first ride?

 

[Steve H]

I used much foul language while fitting a rear mud guard yesterday afternoon. Please don't be too harsh with punishment or I may never get round to fitting the front one

 

[Cush]

The children from number 11 were playing with their Mums bag and droped one of her Tampons (mum is in mid thirtys) I picked it up when they went away, dipped it in red ink then put it on the driveway of number 14; right where it could be seen by the other neighbours (number 14 is in her mid sixtys and very PC) and watched the looks on other peoples faces.

 

[ComedyPilot]

I used much foul language while fitting a rear mud guard yesterday afternoon. Please don't be too harsh with punishment or I may never get round to fitting the front one

Aye up our kid, sit thee sen darn on t'pew**. Thar shalt not curse in vain or utter obscenities in t'house of our lord (bike shed). Forgive us this day our daily head bearings, and deliver us from scraped knuckles, for thine is the dinged wheel, the power crank and the Cateye, interval training - amen.

Now, tell me son, what does it feel like to live in god's own county? (hint to others - it begins with Y)

**special t'Yorkshire version

 

[GetAGrip]

Thou shalt not pull the wool over thy uvver alf's eyes, lest it lead you into temptatious behaviours. However, a woman dost not understand basic algebra, and the immense pressure and ultimate satisfaction that lies behind a n+1 urge.
Keep schtumm and I won't say owt. Baggsy first ride?

Hee Hee, I have a good grip on basic algebra and I oh so doooooooo understand!!

 

[ComedyPilot]

The children from number 11 were playing with their Mums bag and droped one of her Tampons (mum is in mid thirtys) I picked it up when they went away, dipped it in red ink then put it on the driveway of number 14; right where it could be seen by the other neighbours (number 14 is in her mid sixtys and very PC) and watched the looks on other peoples faces.

At last an easy one - Thou shalt not engage in sanitry product-based tricks on thy elderly neighbour lest her chalice is dry and barren. Nor dost thou covet the fruit from another man's under croft.

A woman's special time is a sacred institution, that if roused can cause much angst and violence. This can cause sister to strike down with great vengence and furious anger on those who attempt to poison and destroy her tampons. And you will scream out the name of the LORD when she lays her vengence upon you.

ok?

 

[NormanD]

Bless me CP for I have sinned : I laughed at the misfortune of a ninja rider, who, while attempting to to navigated around a 90% turn of the pavement, ended up, sprawled along the grass verge covered in dogs poo.

 

[lukesdad]

Lukey s birthday on tues, LM is away at the moment. So I told him it was yesterday it was easier for the party.

 

[ComedyPilot]

Bless me CP for I have sinned : I laughed at the misfortune of a ninja rider, who, while attempting to to navigated around a 90% turn of the pavement, ended up, sprawled along the grass verge covered in dogs poo.

Blessed is he, who with the good grace and forsight to use the light, shall use such instrument to lead him through the canine-faeces infested darkness, and deliver him intact and unsullied. Lead thy brother not to the dark side, but out into the light. For thine is the kingdom, the power of the Ayup, 4000 lumens, amen.

Next

 

[ComedyPilot]

Lukey s birthday on tues, LM is away at the moment. So I told him it was yesterday it was easier for the party.

Blessed is he, who by fortuitous use of falsehood, averts partying like a dude on the sabbath, and instead avails himself at the alter of the gods and does a righteous ride to the cafe instead.

Next

 

[DiddlyDodds]

Whilst walking down the road yesterday a driver stopped to ask directions , i told him the directions and off he went , then whilst thinking it over realised i had got the wrong place in my head and sent him completely the wrong way.
Then again i did notice as he pulled up he was talking on a mobile phone and driving a bmw , so in my own mind two wrongs dont make a right, so i am justified in making the third a wrong not a right

 

[ComedyPilot]

Whilst walking down the road yesterday a driver stopped to ask directions , i told him the directions and off he went , then whilst thinking it over realised i had got the wrong place in my head and sent him completely the wrong way.
Then again i did notice as he pulled up he was talking on a mobile phone and driving a bmw , so in my own mind two wrongs dont make a right, so i am justified in making the third a wrong not a right

When he needed a neighbour were you there, were you there? When he was lost and scared were you there, were you there? When he needed shelter and comfort were you there, were you there?

Then again, anyone praying at the altar of a false god (car) and summoning up evil spirits (on the phone) is beyond redemption and thou shalt not feel guilt over his mis-adventure.

Next

 

[Gareth]

My 2010/2011 winter "fixed" project is still sitting on top of a bench in my workshop and hasn't been touched in 10 months.

 

[Archie_tect]

Watch out CP...the person who hath ridden DCL's donated 'Lethal Impact' last will be with you soon, looking sorely bewildered and bitter.