Childless or childfree?

[punkypossum]

Never wanted kids, apart from contemplating for a few seconds at a time what it would be like to have a mini-me... Definitely more pet-ernal than maternal, so I'll stick to furry creatures. Bit late to start now anyway at nearly 35....

 

[Cathryn]

I am a proud dad of a GORGEOUS 9 week old baby girl. QUOTE]

Congrats - I do love to see new dads with baby girls, it's SO cute!!

 

[yenrod]

I was 30. A few years ago. 40 this year.

December 19th if you want to buy me a pressie

I thought you were 55 or something - i'll take me coat off

And whats the next retort:

'whats wrong with being 55'

 

[ComedyPilot]

Thanks Cathryn. She's a little head turner. People always stop us for a chat. It's a battle now with Mrs CP as to who gets to hold the little one.

 

[yenrod]

I think the old quote goes:

'I like kids, I just like holidays more'

Mrs C and I have no desire for children and feel content as we are, however in a previous relationship my partner and I wanted children above anything else. I don't feel I've changed at all, it's just that the dynamics of the relationship are completely different - Strange really.

Velvet - you put it one: everyone is different with each other re realtionships.

It makes you either think life should be one big one commune where we all **** each or as we are now

 

[yello]

Neither my wife nor I have ever wanted children. It was amongst the reasons for us getting married. Previous partners have always been 'yes' or 'maybe' and as I was a most definite 'no', I realised there was potential trouble in store.

I do believe that children can bring great joy, and perhaps even purpose, to your life. I've even experienced something like it when I had a partner with a child. So I do not think people with children are foolish or deluded. On the contrary, I'm in admiration of their strength and focus. I could not be a father, I'm far too self-centred. I feel children are just not compatible with the life I want to lead. I'd end up resenting them.

 

[Night Train]

Iam quite resigned to never having my own now, as I get my enjoyment from watching friends' kids grow and develop.

I am looking forward to my God daughter and her sister visiting this summer. I will get to be a lone parent of a couple of teenage girls for a week or so.

 

[Janeyb]

As has been said before it really is down to personal choice. John and I don't have kids and that's a conscious decision we have made. I've had an argument with a couple of people at work....one even went as far as to say that as a woman, I was abnormal for not wanting kids. It really upset me for a while and I kept feeling I had to justify our decision. There are various reasons for us that are deeply personal which have lead to our decision to not have children.....and I really wish people could see it from our point of view and respect that. I don't question people who do have children, so why should I have to put up with that sort of rubbish for choosing not to.

 

[Night Train]

I know what you mean Janeyb.
All my friends know I would love to have children and they all say I would make a great Dad. They also know I have made the decision not try and find the chance to have children with someone/anyone and yet I get badgered to find a suitabley young and childless woman to date and get told 'She's no good, she's too old to give you kids.' or 'She's already got three, she isn't going to want any more.'.
Not only is it not their business but the pressure doesn't help either.

 

[yello]

one even went as far as to say that as a woman, I was abnormal for not wanting kids.

My wife's had that too Janeyb. It's just ignorant. It annoyed my wife her but she's made of robust stuff, and has a strong and independent self-image - she just shrugged off the stupidity of the remark.

 

[Cathryn]

People are just so RUDE! I can't believe how insensitive people can be! There's nothing abnormal in not wanting kids - it's incredibly sensible and honest and wise to face into that and be strong enough to say it. Ignore them!!

 

[Baggy]

People are just so RUDE! I can't believe how insensitive people can be!

It amazes me that people are willing to be so rude and thoughtless or give you such a hard time if you're female without children.

Being at the upper end of my thirties and fairly newly married, people don't seem to have any qualms about asking me if I want/when am I having children. The follow on when I say "no" is then to tell me I don't know what I'm missing out on or interrogate me as to whether I really mean it.

It makes me cringe as for all they know I could have spent the last ten years desperately trying and failing to conceive (I haven't).

There's some sort of assumption that it's a perfectly acceptable thing to ask, and if you say no another assumption that you're in some way deficient or heartless. Looking on the bright side at least when I'm in my 40s people will stop asking if I'm going to have them!

 

[Cathryn]

It makes me cringe as for all they know I could have spent the last ten years desperately trying and failing to conceive (I haven't). QUOTE]

Exactly...for us it's annoying as we've not been trying either but imagine if we were years down and it was the biggest agony of my life!! I'm almost tempted to pretend we've been unsuccessful for years just to see their faces.

 

[Baggy]

I'm almost tempted to pretend we've been unsuccessful for years just to see their faces.

Yes, sometimes I'm tempted to do that as well!

 

[magnatom]

This thread has got me thinking.

I am bit of a joker generally, I like winding people up. I have in the past used the 'so when are you having children' wind up. I've never said it seriously or suggested that people should have children, however, I didn't realise that some people could find this question such an irritation, I'd probably never really thought deeply about it.

So from now on this wind up will be of bounds. No worries, as I have plenty more where that came from....