Childless or childfree?

[fossyant]

We, despite having 2 kids already, get..."Oh when are you having another".......No 'effing chance - two is enough - another would mean new house etc... no ta.....I've got a garage full of bikes as it is......

 

[wafflycat]

I have one, a child that is. Glad I had him. Being a mum is *wonderful*

Until I met the man who is Mr Wafflycat I was quite adamant I never wanted kids. But the man got the urges going. Go figure.

I can understand why some folk don't want kids as until I met Mr W I was anti-ever-having-kids. I feel for those who do want kids but for whatever reason can't have kids. I was told I would be unlikely ever to have a child, so I had to mentally come to terms with that as with Mr W I had gone from never wanting kids to 'one day it would be nice' Then to find out you may never have any puts a different emphasis on the childless situation.

One thing though - having kids means you can't put yourself first for many a long, long year. It means a change of lifestyle, different priorities, different lifestyle. *For me* I'm glad I've had a child. I adore being a mum, on the good days and the bad! I can remember the exact moment after his birth, Wafflycat Minor as a newborn looked into my eyes and stole my soul: the instant the mother/child bond was made. For me, it worked. It doesn't for everyone.

 

[Cathryn]

So it's never going to end then, so we may as well get used to it. Boo.

 

[wafflycat]

40 this year.

toy boy!

 

[ChrisKH]

Kids are a personal choice; moreso than ever now I think people are consciously making a decision not to have them, which is fine. It does unbalance the social network somewhat though; I have one branch of friends who have them and another who don't. Mixing them can be difficult.

More difficult has been those friends who would like them, but can't have them. I have an old school friend who I haven't seen for two years now as his wife was desperate for children and undergoing fertility treatment and he/she couldn't bear to have contact with us and our kids. I understand. Sort of.

 

[Chris James]

I have two lads, aged 2 years and 4 months.

Both my wife and I were quite keen to have kids and since we met in our thirties then we felt we couldn't hang around too long before trying for them.

Douglas, the elder of the two, is particularly lovely at the moment as he has become very affectionate enjoying kissing and cuddling his dad and his baby brother. He is like an open book, when he is annoyed he flies into wild rages, when upset his lips tremble and streams of tears pour down his face, and when he is happy his face lights up and he laughs like a drain. It is quite a nice change from adults who tend to hide their feelings!

Anyway, there are pros and cons. The cons at the moment are that my wife and I are very active people, who used to spend just about every weekend hill walking or scrambling. Now it is difficult to do anything. Also, we have loads less money as the combination of maternity pay and nursery fees and deposits have massively reduced our disposable income. Finally, it does put strains on your marriage in that you are both tired and stressed, at least with young kids, and you have to be alert that you are doing your fair share of the work.

The pros are more intangible I suppose. After all kids aren't possessions to be paraded and they often aren't even nice to be around. If anything they can be very wearing. But you do get the virtuous feelings associated with devoting yourself to unconditionally loving and caring for someone who is totally dependent on you. And in lots of ways your priorities change as a parent and you get a different point of view of the world (for example my best mate, an enthusiastic non parent, seems very materialistic to me and a total spendthrift, although he has always been like that so I suppose it is just that I have changed).

My wife and I often miss our 'past life' - in some ways it feels like we have had to put a lot of our hobbies on hold during some of our prime years - but I think without the kids it would just get boring in the future, doing the same sort of stuff over and over.

And I am looking forward to teaching the lads to ride their first bikes and taking them climbing!

 

[domtyler]

I have one and wish I had started earlier and had a whole clan, preferably five or more, I would gladly go back and swap my twenties that were spent getting drunk and shagging around for ten years more fatherhood. Having said that I get so much love from my one that nothing else seems to really matter.

 

[ChrisKH]

I have one and wish I had started earlier and had a whole clan, preferably five or more, I would gladly go back and swap my twenties that were spent getting drunk and shagging around for ten years more fatherhood. Having said that I get so much love from my one that nothing else seems to really matter.

Wise words. My sister had her children young and they have all flown the nest, albeit now she has grandchildren to look after at 47. Me I've just started pretty much and I'm looking at another 15 year stretch at least before I get the Sofa back. I do wish now I had started earlier. In retrospect mid to late 20's, early 30's would have been better.