Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

I am writing a book. The title is 'How to be humble when I've never been wrong in my life'.
I just can't get past the 1st paragraph

 

[Pblakeney]

I paid £50 for a lighter that would light thousands of cigarettes.
It arrived this morning.
Bastard sent me a multiple box of matches.

 

[Electric_Andy]

Slugs, like snails, are edible. The problems occur when they've eaten something toxic (like rat droppings) and it's still in their digestive system.

Hugh Fernley-Whitingsall (spelling?) once collected a load of slugs from his herb/veg garden. Not wanting to waste anything, he tried to boil them and eat them. He said they still tasted like disgusting slugs

 

[BigSid]

I've just removed the batteries from my CO detector.
The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

 

[Rezillo]

Well, with news of power cuts crippling transport in Spanish cities, I'm waiting for reports of a bunch of heavily laden Mini Coopers being driven at speed through the flood channels of Madrid.

 

[craigwend]

Well, with news of power cuts crippling transport in Spanish cities, I'm waiting for reports of a bunch of heavily laden Mini Coopers being driven at speed through the flood channels of Madrid.

Unless they used those new fandangelled Electric Mini Coopers...

"You was only meant to blow out the main electric circuit...."

 

[tyred]