Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

I am writing a book. The title is 'How to be humble when I've never been wrong in my life'.
I just can't get past the 1st paragraph

 

[Pblakeney]

I paid £50 for a lighter that would light thousands of cigarettes.
It arrived this morning.
Bastard sent me a multiple box of matches.

 

[Electric_Andy]

Slugs, like snails, are edible. The problems occur when they've eaten something toxic (like rat droppings) and it's still in their digestive system.

Hugh Fernley-Whitingsall (spelling?) once collected a load of slugs from his herb/veg garden. Not wanting to waste anything, he tried to boil them and eat them. He said they still tasted like disgusting slugs

 

[BigSid]

I've just removed the batteries from my CO detector.
The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.