Any good jokes ... ?

[monkers]

In the Solent today, a cargo ship carrying black paint has collided with a cargo ship carrying red paint. All the crew have been marooned.
(Two Ronnies gag).

 

[monkers]

www.conjunctivitus.com

Well there's a site for sore eyes!

 

[Archie_tect]

Announcement for passengers awaiting the derailed train from Slough, it will be arriving shortly on platforms 2,3 and 4.

 

[monkers]

I don't believe it! I was just cycling down our street and someone threw the contents of a whole container of Omega 3 capsules at me

Luckily I only have super fish oil injuries.

 

[monkers]

I don't like mother-in-law jokes.

It's the way she tells 'em.

 

[Cavalol]

Me: I want some weed.

Drug dealer: *whispers* An ounce?

Me: Sure *into megaphone* LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WISH TO PURCHASE SOME WEED.

 

[Sharky]

Me: I want some weed.

Drug dealer: *whispers* An ounce?

Me: Sure *into megaphone* LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WISH TO PURCHASE SOME WEED.

Had to read that one twice

 

[tyred]

 

[monkers]

Not a joke, but an amusing goof spotted in a bakery ...

 

[PeteXXX]

Does the Tardis have a toilet, or does the Doctor travel back in time to when he/she didn't need a dump?

🤔

 

[Archie_tect]

Does the Tardis have a toilet, or does the Doctor travel back in time to when he/she didn't need a dump?

🤔

She just goes back in time to the Tiswas studio to use "Compost Corner".
\

 

[simon the viking]

And in other news, a man was run over by a steamroller and has been admitted to hospital. He's on wards 7, 8 and 9.

that reminds me of the time i had to knock on a door and tell them their son was spoilt...

'no he is not' came her idignant reply..

'please yourself' i said 'but come and look at what my steam rollers done to him!'

 

[Cavalol]

"Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

Joan of Arc.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[screenman]

When one door closes, another one opens.
Other than that it's a pretty good car.