Any good jokes ... ?

[Archie_tect]

I already knows a noisy noise annoys an oyster...
Lockdown fever starting to get to resident.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

Just got back from a Local Tesco . I've never been so rudely treated in my life!! 😔 ...All I did was ask for toilet paper at the Customer Service desk🤷 The woman behind the counter yelled at the top of her lungs.. OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS !!?! . 😲. .

I politely said...There's no need to make a scene and shuffled back to the toilets with my pants around my ankles....😂

PLEASE leave the TP in Public Toilets!!

 

[Cavalol]

I find it difficult to distingush between music of the 80s and music of the 90s. In fact, I can't tell my A-ha's from my Elbow.

 

[Cavalol]

I bought a chicken earlier to make sandwiches.

Complete waste of time, all it does is run round the kitchen making clucking noises.

 

[Cavalol]

Don't push me, coz I'm close to the Greggs

 

[Cavalol]

Lost in the final of the on-line pub quiz last night. Turns out 'Endless Love' was actually a song, not a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles.

 

[burntoutbanger]

What noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

Bravo! 👏

 

[Cavalol]

Can someone help me translate the foreign words on this menu - like 'hors d'oeuvres', for starters?

 

[geocycle]

Not to be mistaken for an hors d’erv, which is a woman who hangs around diesel pumps...

 

[CharlesF]

 

[PaulB]

I do like to spoil the misses after she’s had a long day at work, I run the hot water, make sure it’s got loads of bubbles.

Swirl it around and around to make it all frothy...

time it perfectly..... so she can do the dishes the minute she walks in.

 

[srj10]

 

[PaulB]

Really enjoyed reading Chris Eubank's book on ethics.

I can't wait for his next one about Kent.

 

[Archie_tect]

1976 chart:

"...and at number 14 down 2 this week: Don't Leave Me Hanging, by the Doolies..."

 

[Dave7]

1976 chart:

"...and at number 14 down 2 this week: Don't Leave Me Hanging, by the Doolies..."

Reminds me of that old out take of the Waltons when they are decorating a big christmas tree. Someone, on a pair of steps, askes "where shall I put Father Christmas" ?
Johnboy says "hang him up by the balls" then he collapses laughing.......really funny.