Any good jokes ... ?

[rikki]

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret, age 75, looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert!
Shoulda bought a hat.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[postman]

I was on a tour of Liverpool docklands.I asked the guide,why was everyone called Diesel.Ah well sir,some packages,bundles containers would break open.And sorry to say the items could not be put back ,so the staff used to say,diesel do for me kids,diesel do for me wife.

 

[cisamcgu]

I was on a tour of Liverpool docklands.I asked the guide,why was everyone called Diesel.Ah well sir,some packages,bundles containers would break open.And sorry to say the items could not be put back ,so the staff used to say,diesel do for me kids,diesel do for me wife.

I understand the joke, but not sure why every person would be called Diesel ?

 

[glasgowcyclist]

I had an accident yesterday afternoon, an ice cream van hit me head on. No serious injuries, just whippylash.

You should sue, you'll get hundreds and thousands.

 

[Chris S]

I was on a tour of Liverpool docklands.I asked the guide,why was everyone called Diesel.Ah well sir,some packages,bundles containers would break open.And sorry to say the items could not be put back ,so the staff used to say,diesel do for me kids,diesel do for me wife.

Scouser jokes were big in the 1980s. They were usually just old racist jokes with 'Scouser' substituted for a racial slur. This one seems to be the exception though.

 

[CharlesF]

 

[CharlesF]

 

[Profpointy]

View attachment 499614

Reminds me of. the story about Ray Charles at the height the his fame. He was a regular flyer and known to the air crews so so on one occasion when the plane was stopping for fuel with some passengers getting on or off but others, Ray Charles included, staying on board for the next leg, the pilot offered to take Charles' guide dog outside for a bit of fresh air. The embarking passengers were horrified to see their pilot, complete with his dark aviator sunglasses seemingly being led about by his guide dog

 

[tyred]

 

[EltonFrog]

 

[Smokin Joe]

 

[roley poley]

cycle chat keep awarding me a trophy for such small things ,is it an award for atrophy as I should be out cycling and not typing?

 

[Kempstonian]

cycle chat keep awarding me a trophy for such small things ,is it an award for atrophy as I should be out cycling and not typing?

Participation 'trophies'. So you don't get jealous, or feel inferior to the real winners.