Any good jokes ... ?

[Skanker]

One day a biker dies and finds himself in hell......
.....As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil.
Satan: Why so glum?
Biker : Why do you think? I'm in hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Biker : Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Bombay Sapphire, tequila, Guinness, red wine, single malt scotch. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.
Biker : Gee that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Biker : You better believe it.
Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Biker : Wow that's awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
Biker : Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Satan: Good, because Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow.
Biker : Cool!
Satan: What about Drugs?
Biker : Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean?
Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day.. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares?
Biker : Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay?
Biker : No!!!
Satan: Ooooh, You are gonna hate Fridays!

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[swee'pea99]

Bradley Wiggins's favourite joke apparently, as told to the Guardian:

My girlfriend said she won't marry me till I get over my ambulance obsession. I can't wait to go down on one knee-naw-knee-naw-knee-naw

 

[roadrash]

View attachment 486680

That looks like @numbnuts on the motorbike

 

[morrisman]

So we tried turning parliament off and back on again but that doesn't seem to have cured the problem.

 

[Chris S]

"How's Hillary's head?"
"Well, she's no Monica"

 

[mistyoptic]

So we tried turning parliament off and back on again but that doesn't seem to have cured the problem.

That’s a cracker! Pinching that one

 

[CharlesF]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Skanker]

Old one but always makes me chuckle

 

[PeteXXX]

I bought my wife some flowers today..

Apparently, Plain and Self Raising aren't her favourite varieties.

 

[Electric_Andy]

My wife said for Christmas she wanted something with diamonds in. So I bought her a pack of cards.

 

[Cavalol]

I’d like to vote for the Carol Decker Party, but I can’t see them ever coming t’power.

 

[PeteXXX]

The president is walking from the White House towards his limo when an assassin aims a gun at him.
A secret service agent, new to the job, leaps forward and shouts 'Mickey Mouse!!'
This startles the would-be assassin who is then captured.
Later, the supervisor asked him why he shouted Mickey Mouse?
He replied, "Sorry, I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald... Duck!'"

 

[Cavalol]

I have Spooner's disease. I often weigh a lake at night worrying about it.