Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

When my English teach told me I would never be any good at poetry because of my dyslexia, it made me even more determined and I knuckled right down and showed her how wrong she was and so far I’ve made two vases and a tea pot.

 

[bruce1530]

 

[Davos87]

To the tosser who stole my Nike trainers and Hi-Vis jacket.
I just want you to know you can run but you cant hide.

 

[User6179]

"I've built a model of Mount Everest".

"Is that to scale?".

"No, just to look at".....

 

[postman]

Definitely the Shankly era. I recall a story it was a huge poster in Liverpool and the second line was added underneath as graffiti. It's a long story but I used to watch Liverpool a lot in the late 60s/early 70s and I well remember the story.

Back in the 60's Shanks and Revie were great pals.So one match day a Leeds supporter is trying to find Anfield,he came across Shanks out for a pre game walk.He asked him how do i get to Anfield.Shanks replied practise son practise.

 

[PaulSB]

^^

 

[PeteXXX]

My wife’s left me because of my fetish for touching pasta.
She’s only just gone and I’m already feeling cannelloni.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Back in the 60's Shanks and Revie were great pals.So one match day a Leeds supporter is trying to find Anfield,he came across Shanks out for a pre game walk.He asked him how do i get to Anfield.Shanks replied practise son practise.

Another Shanks story -

Shortly before a game with Manchester City Shankly was standing on the edge of the pitch talking to the City Manager when Joe Corrigan, the City goalkeeper strolled out wearing his suit. Shanks said, "Hello Joe, you're leaving it late to get changed". Corrigan replied that he wasn't playing that day because he was injured. "Bloody hell", said Shankly as he headed for the tunnel, "I'd better tell the lads, this is going to be tougher than I thought".

 

[Cavalol]

It's proving very difficult to find a shop selling 'Left Guard' for my other armpit.

 

[PaulSB]

It's proving very difficult to find a shop selling 'Left Guard' for my other armpit.

 

[Threevok]

I've just put a picture of Sonny Bonno on Facebook

I bet I won't get one Cher

 

[Threevok]

Management have moved their offices a further 30 miles away

Far be it from me to question their decisions

 

[Threevok]

Socrates once said "sweet dreams are made of this"

Who am I to diss a Greek ?

 

[Cavalol]

I ate 16 yoghurts last night.

I was absolutely Mullered.

 

[PeteXXX]

I knew a chicken that could count its own eggs..
It was a mathemachicken.