Any good jokes ... ?

[SpokeyDokey]

View attachment 477355

Brilliant!

 

[colly]

I'm going to take up Scuba diving on the cheap.

Instead of using expensive air tanks I'm going to be using a bag of Walkers crisps. There's enough air in it to stay submerged for a couple of hours at least.

 

[colly]

Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.

"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they're a health hazard!"

"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."

 

[Dayvo]

 

[colly]

"Grasshopper, when you can snatch the pebble from my hand it will be time for you to lea..."

"Ah......................... best out of three?"

 

[Chris S]

Snow White is walking through the forest when she sees a little man sitting on a toadstool with his head between his knees.
"Are you a goblin?" she asks. "No," he replies, "I've got a headache."

 

[PaulSB]

This happened tonight at the pub quiz:

Question: Name five Vinny Jones films

Mrs P: "Lock, Stock and 3 Smoking Barrels"

Me: "No it's 2 smoking barrels"

Mrs P: "No it isn't"

Other team member: "Paul's right, 3 was the sequel!"

 

[PeteXXX]

Can you name three fish that begin, and end, with the letter 'K'?

Killer shark
Kwiksave frozen haddock
Kilmarnock


Why Kilmarnock?

It's a plaice in Scotland...

 

[AndyRM]

Went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees.

I watched as the owner counted 13 bees into a jar.

"Sorry, I only wanted, and can only afford 12."

"It's fine, the 13th is a free bee."

 

[simon the viking]

I went into a pet shop and said...

I'd like to buy a wasp please

Sorry sir we don't sell wasps.....

Well there's one in your window

 

[wheresthetorch]

I went into a pet shop to buy a dog, but they only had a Shih Tzu. Oh, hang on a minute . . .

 

[EltonFrog]

I went into a pet shop and said...

I'd like to buy a wasp please

Sorry sir we don't sell wasps.....

Well there's one in your window

May I refer you to post 1761 3rd July 2014. Still, it was nice to read that gag again.

A REALLY REALLY bad joke.

A guy goes into a pet shop and asks "how much do your wasps cost"
Owner says "we dont sell wasps".
Guy says..... "well you have them in your window".

@simon the viking , really, I’m surprised at you. Go to your room.

 

[simon the viking]

@simon the viking , really, I’m surprised at you. Go to your room.

Yeh, but with the additions of ..... and double line spacings between speakers my comedy timing is much better

 

[EltonFrog]

Yeh, but with the additions of ..... and double line spacings between speakers my comedy timing is much better

Good comeback.

 

[Cavalol]

I used to be indecisive about chicken casserole, but now I’m not Chasseur.