Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

 

[Cavalol]

Just read that the UK prison population is ballooning. What sort of message does that send out when hardened criminals are allowed such expensive treats?

 

[postman]

Don't get married, just find somebody you don't like and buy them a house.

An old mate of mine just got divorced he got 50% of the house,she got the inside he got the outside.

 

[postman]

Mrs Postman has gone ballistic.I decided to do some diy ,i fancied knocking two rooms in to one.It appears the dining room and bedroom is not a good idea.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

My wife just said that she doesn't know what the cloning machine does.
I said, "That makes two of us."

 

[Cavalol]

Just been thrown out of the vegan restaurant. Turns out it was a florists.

 

[betty swollocks]

Last evening, my neighbour yelled so loudly, that even I brushed my teeth and went to bed.

 

[morrisman]

My friend has been up in court for defacing library books, he was discovered tippexing all the full stops out, the judge said he should expect a long sentence.

 

[morrisman]

I was taken to court for refusing to have an afternoon nap, charges with Resisting Arrest

 

[guitarpete247]

∆∆∆∆ Someone's been listening to "The Pin". on 4 Extra.

 

[CharlesF]

"What do you do for a living?"


"I'm the lead singer in a ‘Black Eyed Peas’ tribute band”


“I find that hard to believe”


“Well I am”.

 

[PeteXXX]

Why don't ants often get sick?

Because they have anty bodies..

 

[betty swollocks]

My wife turns 32 tomorrow. I told her not to get her hopes up because we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute.
When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I told her it was her thirty-second birthday.

 

[Cavalol]

The inventor of dog treats has died earlier today.

He was a good boy. Yes he was.

 

[Cavalol]

My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle. Strange name, but she tortoise well.