Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

Just heard on the news that the royal baby is 'doing well!'
'Well?'
He's only been on the planet five bloody minutes, he's already a prince, absolutely loaded and will never have to do a day's work in his life. I'd say he's got it totally sussed, FFS!

 

[ClichéGuevara]

My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, "Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?"
"Yes," she said, "but I wasn’t willing to pay."

 

[ClichéGuevara]

It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back.
It mostly bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that..

 

[ClichéGuevara]

A man is walking home when he stumbled upon an old lamp by a skip, seeing that it’s still presentable, he decided to rub some of the dirt off of it. A cloud of smoke began seeping through the lamp and a Genie appeared before him.

“Thank you for freeing me, I am a genie and I shall grant you 3 wishes.” the Genie said.

“Make it 4.” the man demanded.

“Granted. You have 3 wishes left.”

 

[ClichéGuevara]

As I handed my dad his 70th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes...

He then said, " You know, one would have been enough."

 

[Cavalol]

I bought a Jigsaw today. I suppose once I find all the edges pieces it should be easy.

The subject on the box looks like some sort of power tool.

 

[roadrash]

I completed a jigsaw in three hours today , quite pleased with myself , the box said 3 to 4 years

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

I completed a jigsaw in three hours today , quite pleased with myself , the box said 3 to 4 years

The old ones are the best

 

[oldfatfool]

The most puzzling thing about a jigsaw to me is how the can charge £15 for a cut up piece of cardboard and people pay it.

 

[Cavalol]

Errol Brown has put on four stone in the last month.



It started with a quiche.

 

[Cavalol]

Just writing a list of all the organs that might be useful after my death, but my heart’s not in it.

 

[PaulB]

Errol Brown has put on four stone in the last month.



It started with a quiche.

That's terrible because Errol Brown died four years ago. You don't remember him do you?

 

[Cavalol]

That's terrible because Errol Brown died four years ago. You don't remember him do you?

Wahey, everyone's a winner!

 

[glasgowcyclist]

That's terrible because Errol Brown died four years ago. You don't remember him do you?

He could've been resurrected; I believe in miracles.

 

[NorthernDave]

I've just seen the trailer for that new Elton John film.

It's a little bit funny.