Any good jokes ... ?

[Chris S]

When Nelson died he was 5 feet tall. His statue in London is 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1.

 

[morrisman]

They're already making a film about les Gilets Jaunes, the smashing up of the car showrooms on the Champs Elysees and the burning of cars in the streets of Paris they have selected an international star for the movie Burnt Renaults.
Gyles Brandreth

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Arjimlad]

View attachment 464822

Oops !

 

[Cavalol]

Woke up at 3.00am today and there was a tap on my front door.




Strange fella, that plumber.

 

[Cavalol]

My heart goes out to the victims in Birmingham and their families.



Nothing happened in Birmingham, they just live there.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[ClichéGuevara]

PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.

USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER : IWillHuntYouDown50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

 

[colly]

 

[PeteXXX]

Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol?




Geri can.....

 

[raleighnut]

View attachment 465141

A 'Rex'

 

[PaulB]

I did a park run yesterday and someone was running with a cabbage on a lead! I asked him what the significance of the cabbage was and he said, 'it's not a cabbage, it's a collie.'

 

[morrisman]

"What do we want?"
"A compilation album!"
"What shall we call it?"
"Now!"

 

[Markymark]

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. How am I supposed to read it now?

 

[Cavalol]

What a con that badminton horse trials is. Not one of them could hold a racquet.