Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

My friend believes he can find salvation through drinking bottled water.

He's an Eviangelical.

 

[EltonFrog]

Got a new job at the guillotine factory.


I'll beheading there shortly.

Don’t be late or you’ll get the chop.

 

[morrisman]

I don't like large potatoes. I'm grateful for small Murphy's

 

[simon the viking]

I saw my neighbour talking to his dog earlier... I'm sure my neighbour thought the dog could understand every word...

When i came back in I told my cat... He thought it was so funny

 

[Threevok]

Should throwing a Frisbee be an Olympic sport ?

Discus...

 

[simon the viking]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

So who picks up guide dog shoot?


(H/T Jimmy Carr)

 

[colly]

Not exactly a joke but funny still.

https://m.imgur.com/t/funny/GnJAyst

 

[Fnaar]

Not exactly a joke but funny still.

https://m.imgur.com/t/funny/GnJAyst

 

[tony111]

I've just bought a Motown wardrobe.

I put 4 tops in it.

Is there room for a Jimmy Mac?

 

[Cavalol]

How easy is it to impersonate Victor Meldrew?

a) don't
b) leave it.

 

[Dayvo]

Seen on the march on Saturday.

It made me chuckle.

 

[Chris S]

Seen on the march on Saturday.

It made me chuckle.

View attachment 459159

I've put my money in Ikea's bank (IKANO) in case things go wrong. It's based in Sweden but your deposit is still guaranteed up to £85,000. The Swedish government will refund your money within 7 days if the bank crashes, the UK government takes 20.

 

[betty swollocks]

People who can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

 

[colly]

King Harold's last words were.....'I spy with my little eye something beginning with A...'