Any good jokes ... ?

[EltonFrog]

I went to a saucepan demonstration, but it had gone to pot.

 

[Speicher]

Yesterday I took a train from Paddington to Didcot.

Today First Great Western have said they would like it back please.

 

[EltonFrog]

Yesterday I took a train from Paddington to Didcot.

Today First Great Western have said they would like it back please.

I wondered what happened to that.

 

[Speicher]

I wondered what happened to that.

Now I recognise you! You were the rude passenger travelling without etiquette.

 

[PaulB]

What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

One's an animal that lives in the outback and the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift.

 

[EltonFrog]

A bloke tried to sell me some haddock, plaice and prawns cheap out the back of a van....I thought, that’s fishy.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I'm taking the Manic Street Preachers around rural England. If they tolerate Diss, then the Chilterns will be next.

 

[PaulB]

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

This is a bit of an earworm at the moment. I know it's an oldie but let me get it off my chest for sanity's sake

There's an illegal hole in the road.
Police are looking in to it.

 

[AndyRM]

 

[Smokin Joe]

"Get well soon... from the nurse you gave the parking ticket to last week. I'll be round to remove the tape later."

 

[Cavalol]

I've been having trouble with diarrhoea, and it's unbearable. The doctor said bananas would help, but as soon as I take one out, it starts again.

 

[Dayvo]

Lip-readers confirm that they couldn’t give a shoot what footballers are saying



The British Deaf Association (BDA) has today confirmed that there is no longer a need for £50m prima-donna footballers to cover their mouths whenever they want to tell their manager that they need a wee-wee.

 

[Salty seadog]

What's another word for thesaurus.....?

 

[PaulB]

When I was young, there were only 25 letters in the alphabet. Nobody knew why.