Any good jokes ... ?

[Nibor]

 

[Threevok]

Whilst out shopping, I told Mrs V she could have any Ice Cream she wanted

She had Carte Blanche

 

[MontyVeda]

Had a chicken tarka for my tea last night... it's similar to a tikka but a little 'otter.

 

[EltonFrog]

Had a chicken tarka for my tea last night... it's similar to a tikka but a little 'otter.

Nice to read that joke again.

What's the difference between daal and tarka daal? Tarka daal is a little 'otter

My local curry house has started serving Chicken Tarka. It's like Chicken Tikka, but a little otter.

What's the difference between ordinary dal and tarka dal?

One's mildly spiced and the other's a littler 'otter.

What's the difference between a Korma and a Tarka Masala? One's quite mild and the other's a little 'otter

 

[morrisman]

Just withdrew £10 from a cash machine that said “free cash machine” and it charged my account £10. Unbelievable

 

[MontyVeda]

Nice to read that joke again.

at least i nailed the delivery

 

[Arjimlad]

In the barbers when this old chap walks in. He explains that his skin is so old & wrinkled that he's having difficulty getting a really nice close shave.

"No problem!" says the barber, producing a smooth wooden ball about the size of a king size marble.

"Pop this in your mouth, and as I shave, roll it around inside your cheeks to tauten your skin. But be very careful not to swallow it. I had it from my father, and he had it from his father before him."

In a little while the barber had completed a fantastic close shave.

The old boy was very grateful. As he received his change, he asked the barber what would have happened if he'd swallowed the ball.

"Oh, when that happens they just bring it back to me in a couple of days", says the barber.

 

[Cavalol]

Take it from me, I have reverse kleptomania.

 

[Cavalol]

Whoever took over Mother Teresa's hospital must have the patients of a saint.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I went for a job interview, and they asked me what I thought was my greatest weakness. "Honesty" I replied.
The interviewer said "I don't think that's a weakness"
I told him, "I don't give a sh*t what you think"

 

[morrisman]

My doctor has prescribed me some Anti-Gloating cream
Now all I want to do is rub it in.

 

[EltonFrog]

I went for a job interview, and they asked me what I thought was my greatest weakness. "Honesty" I replied.
The interviewer said "I don't think that's a weakness"
I told him, "I don't give a sh*t what you think"

It’s like Groundhog Day.

At a recent job interview, I was asked what my biggest weakness is.
"Honesty", I replied.
Interviewer said "I dont think that's a weakness"
I replied, "I dont give a **** what you think.

Interviewer: What would you say is your biggest weakness?
Interviewee: I guess it would be my honesty; I am a very honest person.
Interviewer: I don't think that is a weakness
Interviewee: I don't give a fark what you think!

 

[morrisman]

Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a petri dish.
The result speak for themselves.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

It’s like Groundhog Day.

It just goes to show that honesty doesn't pay. None of us seem to have got the job.

 

[Dave7]

I went on a "legalise cannabis" march yesterday and the turnout was high.