Any good jokes ... ?

[User6179]

I've made a film about the world's longest truck.
You should see the trailer.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Chris S]

It's like a strange parallel universe.

Or a 1970s universe when I last owned a cat , we didn't have laser pointers then. The only lasers about were deadly weapons that cut things in half.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

A friend hit a tree while riding his bike round the garden. He's back riding although his bark is worse than his bike.

 

[Freds Dad]

I got mugged last night by 6 dwarfs.

Not Happy.

 

[morrisman]

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry
I'll return.

 

[Dave7]

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry
I'll return.

that was so bad that its very good

 

[Smokin Joe]

I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog and she said, "Who's dog is this? I've never seen it before".

 

[Markymark]

My wife is kicking me out for my awful attempts at Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonations.

But don’t worry......I’ll be returning.

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry
I'll return.

that was so bad that its very good

It was

 

[Profpointy]

Or a 1970s universe when I last owned a cat , we didn't have laser pointers then. The only lasers about were deadly weapons that cut things in half.

View attachment 449167

Off topic, but there's a lovely story behind that scene. Obviously the laser beam was added in as a special effect afterwards, but the sparks and melting steel was really done by having a bloke under the table with an acetylene torch. Connery isn't acting as he is gets increasingly scared as (real) burning steel is getting closer and closer. The man with the cutting torch can't see how close he's getting and is waiting for the directory to say "cut". The director is letting it get closer and closer to get the best shot - after all it's not his own bollocks that are getting singed so he's happy to cut it a bit fine.

 

[flake99please]

To say my wife was not impressed with my suggestion to masturbate with fruit is an understatement....

She went f**king bananas.

 

[Salty seadog]

A friend hit a tree while riding his bike round the garden. He's back riding although his bark is worse than his bike.

I don't think this is the thread for you...

 

[bruce1530]

Bertie Bassett goes to the doctors, with some discomfort in a private place.

“You’ve got VD”, says the doc, “What have you been up to?”

“Oh, f***ing allsorts..."

 

[Cavalol]

I was once in a band called Dusk - we were on before The Darkness

 

[betty swollocks]