Any good jokes ... ?

[Lullabelle]

 

[betty swollocks]

I never believed my grandad when he told me he used to be a council road worker.
Then, I visited him and saw all the signs.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Ajay]

View attachment 441313

Oh

 

[morrisman]

My friend makes a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes...
It’s like shooting fish in apparel...

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

A woman bodybuilder went to the doctor;

W: "I've been taking steroids and have grown a penis"
D: "Anabolic?"
W: "No, just the penis"

 

[bruce1530]

My wife has been hinting that she’d like something black and lacy for christmas.

I’m thinking football boots.....

 

[colly]

I recently asked my neighbours’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

Both of her parents, who are staunch Labour Party supporters, were standing there, so I asked her,

‘If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?’

She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’

Her parents beamed with pride.

‘Wow…what a worthy goal.’ I told her,

‘But you don’t have to wait until you’re Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house , cut the grass pull the weeds out and sweep up. I’ll pay you £20. Then I’ll take you to the supermarket where there is a homeless guy begging for hand outs. Then you can give him the £20 to use toward food and shelter.

‘ She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ’ Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the £20? ‘

I said, ‘So you are going to be a Conservative Prime Minister then?


Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.

 

[Freds Dad]

My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are.

But I laugh more.

 

[Lullabelle]

 

[Chris S]

I recently asked my neighbours’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

Both of her parents, who are staunch Labour Party supporters, were standing there, so I asked her,

‘If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?’

She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’

Her parents beamed with pride.

‘Wow…what a worthy goal.’ I told her,

‘But you don’t have to wait until you’re Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house , cut the grass pull the weeds out and sweep up. I’ll pay you £20. Then I’ll take you to the supermarket where there is a homeless guy begging for hand outs. Then you can give him the £20 to use toward food and shelter.

‘ She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ’ Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the £20? ‘

I said, ‘So you are going to be a Conservative Prime Minister then?


Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.

It reminds me of when I was a child and my grandmother rather proudly told her neighbours how I wanted to be a vicar when I grew-up. Then I added, "... so I've only got to work on Sundays."

 

[Cavalol]

If Father Christmas had a nationality would it be North Polish?

 

[Seevio]

If Father Christmas had a nationality would it be North Polish?

Did you have a coat you wanted to collect?

 

[Speicher]

Did you have a coat you wanted to collect?

It's the red one with the furry collar.