Any good jokes ... ?

[betty swollocks]

 

[Smokin Joe]

I feel sorry for the likes of Donald Trump and Sir Phillip Green who have to pay a fortune to people they've slept with to keep quiet about it. I've never had that problem, whenever I've had sex with women they've been so ashamed afterwards it's them who have been begging me not to tell anyone.

 

[Smokin Joe]

If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable cockney characters are Man Utd supporters?

 

[Cavalol]

Polish fella goes to Specsavers for an eye test.
The optician shows him the board with the letters ‘CZYSZYRZCHICZ’ and asks if he can read it.
‘Read it?’ said the bloke, ‘he’s my brother’

 

[morrisman]

My son has just registered me as an organ donor.

He’s a man after my own heart....

 

[Cavalol]

I can't take my brother to stately homes, he keeps talking about those "f****** crenelations on the top of those frigging towers" in a loud voice and upsetting people.

The doctor says he's got turrets syndrome.

 

[Cavalol]

What do you call an island full of bearded Scottish comedians?
Billy Colony

 

[Deleted member 26715]

True Story,

We were in Florida with the late mother in law, all sat in Denny's having breakfast when she said in a not too quiet voice,

"I wish we were rich so we could afford to buy a big condom so we could all live together in it."

 

[PaulB]

How Esther McVey found her transport.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Two clowns are eating a cannibal when one turns to the other and says

"Did I start this joke wrong?"

 

[Dave7]

They are now making swimming trunks made of Doritos.
I just bought a pair and am going for a dip.


I know it says "good jokes" but......

 

[Cavalol]

My mate showed me the strangest coin ever, it was smooth on both sides.

I couldn't make head nor tail of it.

 

[Arjimlad]

They are now making swimming trunks made of Doritos.
I just bought a pair and am going for a dip.


I know it says "good jokes" but......

Corny will do.

 

[simonali]

Corny will do.

Haha. I see what you did there!

 

[Dave7]

My mate showed me the strangest coin ever, it was smooth on both sides.

I couldn't make head nor tail of it.

That was nearly as bad as mine. Only nearly.