Any good jokes ... ?
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Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
A man's car breaks down near a monastery so he knocks at their door and asks for help. The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. It's late though and they offer him a bed for the night. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”
The man's relief is palpable.
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”
The man's relief is palpable.
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
Lucky for you that you're not in range of my boot
Mugshot
Cracking a solo.
Ever since this;Lucky for you that you're not in range of my boot
I go straight to the punch line of any Diogenes post that's more than 3 lines long.
Profpointy
Legendary Member
to continue the monastic theme, a chap decides to join a particularly austere Trappist order where they take a vow of silence. As this is quite strict, every 7 years they are allowed to speak two words. Aftee the first 7 years the novice stands up to utter his two, long-pondered words,
“Bad food!”
Then diligently returns to his prayers and devotions for a further 7 years. Again after much contemplation he pronounces his two words,
“Hard beds!”
And again returns to his contemplative life. After the 21st year he is entitled to become a fully-fledged member of the order, so given the gravity of the occasion the words need to be even more carefully chosen
“I quit !”
The Abott can’t help himself and despite his own vow of silence blurts our
“Thank God for that; you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here”
“Bad food!”
Then diligently returns to his prayers and devotions for a further 7 years. Again after much contemplation he pronounces his two words,
“Hard beds!”
And again returns to his contemplative life. After the 21st year he is entitled to become a fully-fledged member of the order, so given the gravity of the occasion the words need to be even more carefully chosen
“I quit !”
The Abott can’t help himself and despite his own vow of silence blurts our
“Thank God for that; you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here”
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
They have punchlines?
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Pearls, swine etc
simonali
Guru
The joy of this joke is that you can change the name of the team and upset any football fan you like!
Or don't like for that matter.
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
The joy of this joke is that you can change the name of the team and upset any football fan you like!
Or don't like for that matter.
I have sent to several people all with different team names.. every one of them has called me Dracula ...
Tenacious Sloth
Guru
- Location
- Huntingdon, UK
The joy of this joke is that you can change the name of the team and upset any football fan you like!
Or don't like for that matter.
Another in a similar vane...
I was on the phone to my Dad the other day and was telling him about the trials and tribulations of the team I support, Swindon Town.
I was telling him that their latest efforts to try and increase the match day attendance included selling tickets in post offices and chemists.
“In fact...” I said “I found out about this last week when I popped into the local chemist. They were selling tickets for the Mansfield game.”
“ Did you buy any?” He asked.
“No. I was going to, but got too embarrassed at the checkout so just bought two packets of extra small condoms and left.”
