Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

lub Tropicana, drinks are free, all that's missing is the 'c'.

 

[LinchPin]

I think this is the right place to put this.

 

[simonali]

I think calculator jokes require it to be turned upside down

Need a decimal point, too, as you can't type 01313 on a calculator, only 0.1313.

 

[Chris S]

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognises him as real Rugby player.

They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.

"What's that for?" the lady questions.

"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."

Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.

'What's that ?' the lady questions again.

"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."

Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.

The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"

The man replies: "No, no...!!! Calm down...!!!

It will say ADIDAS in a minute."

WElcome to jamaica, have a Nice DaY

 

[Chris S]

My grandfather has dementia. He can't do all the things that he used to be able to do, like bomb Nazi Germany.

 

[Chris S]

I think the last person to live in my flat must have worked for the Israeli Defence Force. I keep getting letters addressed to 'The Occupier'.

 

[Chris S]

How do you know ET comes from Sellafield? He looks like he does.

 

[13 rider]

Received a text from the Missus saying she in Casualty . Well I just watched it for an hour never saw her . Hope shes home soon I want some tea I'm straving

 

[Cavalol]

Silly me, made a mess of that.

 

[Cavalol]

 

[Fnaar]

I’m going to France tomorrow for the world "Flicking A Ruler On The Edge Of A Desk" championships. It's held annually in the Dordogne.

 

[Dave7]

Please explain that one.....then I can tell someone else while having a clever smug expression on my face.

 

[Speicher]

Please explain that one.....then I can tell someone else while having a clever smug expression on my face.

If you have flicked a ruler on the edge of the desk, think about the noise it makes. Durrr dooinngggg.

 

[Dave7]

If you have flicked a ruler on the edge of the desk, think about the noise it makes. Durrr dooinngggg.

Silly me.
I scratched my head over that for several days then gave up.

 

[Cavalol]

Try again:

My girlfriend use to eat calculators.


It's what's inside that counts.