Any good jokes ... ?

[T4tomo]

If we are on lymerics....best read in a Yorkshire accent. Hos/ 'os =horse.

There was a young man from Scorton
Who had a terribly short 'un
To make up for his loss
He had balls like an 'os
And a fart like an 850 Norton.

 

[Cavalol]

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"


"Whatever means necessary," she replied.


"No it doesn't," I said.

 

[Cavalol]

My grandad was a baker in WW2. He went in all buns glazing.

 

[Andrew_P]

Have you ever noticed how many Formula One drivers share their names with Scottish towns?

Lewis Hamilton
Stirling Moss
Eddie Irvine
Johnnie Dumfries
Ayr Town Centre

 

[Chris S]

My ex-wife said that I took the piss out of her knickers. All I did was put them in the washing machine.

 

[Chris S]

 

[Cavalol]

The Great British Feck Off

 

[GM]

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognises him as real Rugby player.

They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.

"What's that for?" the lady questions.

"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."

Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.

'What's that ?' the lady questions again.

"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."

Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.

The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"

The man replies: "No, no...!!! Calm down...!!!

It will say ADIDAS in a minute."

 

[Cavalol]

What was Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE

 

[Cavalol]

My first girlfriend worked in a hospital,
Every Christmas and birthday she’d send me an X-ray of her chest, sounds weird but her heart was in the right place....

 

[Cavalol]

Say what you like about CashConverters, but when I went in earlier for £25,000 to get a new car, they didn't even take the shotgun.

 

[Dave7]

A REALLY REALLY bad joke.

A guy goes into a pet shop and asks "how much do your wasps cost"
Owner says "we dont sell wasps".
Guy says..... "well you have them in your window".

 

[monkeytennis]

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognises him as real Rugby player.

They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.

"What's that for?" the lady questions.

"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."

Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.

'What's that ?' the lady questions again.

"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."

Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.

The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"

The man replies: "No, no...!!! Calm down...!!!

It will say ADIDAS in a minute."

I have a similar penis tattoo, but mine actually spells out ALWAYS IN DEMAND FOR SEX...

 

[Arjimlad]

A REALLY REALLY bad joke.

A guy goes into a pet shop and asks "how much do your wasps cost"
Owner says "we dont sell wasps".
Guy says..... "well you have them in your window".

well, that one had a sting in the tail !

 

[Cavalol]

Old McDonald had a calculator, 01313.