Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

Chickens?

Yes....very good.

 

[Cavalol]

Received a text from my partner saying she was breaking up with me.
Imagine how relieved I was when a couple of minutes later she texted 'sorry wrong number'.

 

[Cavalol]

I was once cast as the lead role in the silent version of Oliver.
It was brilliant, I couldn't ask for more .

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?




One's an elephant.

 

[Cavalol]

'Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a moth'
You want the psychiatrist next door
'I know, but I was passing your door and your light was on'

 

[Cavalol]

The flock of prize budgerigars recently stolen in Cornwall was probably stolen to order said the chairman of The Budgie Society, Hugh Zapretti Boyden.

 

[betty swollocks]

Mods, if you deem this offends or goes against the rules, then please delete.
I was amused by its simplicity: it made me snigger and it still does.

 

[benb]

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks just wouldn't scan
When he was asked why
He said in reply
"I'm not really sure but I think it might be because I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can"

 

[benb]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African walk into a really upscale bar.

After scrutinizing the group, the bartender says “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

A mere 5 years since the last one.

 

[wheresthetorch]

A mere 5 years since the last one.

I told it better.

 

[wheresthetorch]

There was a young woman from Ryde,
Who ate a green apple and died.
The apple fermented
Inside the lamented,
And made cider inside her inside.

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

There was a young man from Devizes,
Whose balls were of two different sizes,
One was quite small,
Almost nothing at all,
While the other was huge and won prizes.

 

[Smokin Joe]

There was a young girl of Cape Cod
Who thought babies were fashioned by God,
But ’twas not the Almighty
Who hiked up her nightie –
‘Twas Roger, the lodger, by God!

 

[screenman]

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head in the lush.


Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiney new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that !

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen.

"Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in that ditch with my Harley, I guess."

 

[Arjimlad]

Mary had a little lamb
the Doctor was surprised
When Old Macdonald had a farm
the Midwife nearly died !