Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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smokeysmoo
Legendary Member
- Location
- Bolton, not very far from Nob End
The subject of bakers reminded me of this...............cue Scottish accent............
A woman walks into a bakery, points to one of the baked goods on display and asks "Is that a donut or a meringue?"
The baker replies "No, you're right enough, it's a doughnut.
A woman walks into a bakery, points to one of the baked goods on display and asks "Is that a donut or a meringue?"
The baker replies "No, you're right enough, it's a doughnut.
D
Deleted member 26715
Guest
It's been snowing all night. So ....
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 So, I made a snow woman
8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere
8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead
8:22 The transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts
8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple are white..
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman to wear a burqa
8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended
8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role
8:43 The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist.
9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices... my children are taken by social services
9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the Street demanding for me to be beheaded
Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live today.
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 So, I made a snow woman
8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere
8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead
8:22 The transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts
8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple are white..
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman to wear a burqa
8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended
8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role
8:43 The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist.
9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices... my children are taken by social services
9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the Street demanding for me to be beheaded
Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live today.
I think you’ve won the Internet for the month, just told that one at work and we’re howling with laughter.
Nibor
Bewildered
- Location
- Accrington
Viagra it won't make you Sean Connery but it may make you Roger Moore.
Pro Tour Punditry
Guru
Autocorrect is a complete pain, just sent my mate a text that reads "fancy a w*ank down by the river".
I meant canal.
I meant canal.
Drug store owner sees a guy leaning against a wall, asks clerk, "What's wrong with him?"
Clerk: "he came in to get something for his cough. I couldn't find cough syrup so I gave him a laxative."
Owner: "You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
Clerk: "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
#NationalTellAJokeDay
Clerk: "he came in to get something for his cough. I couldn't find cough syrup so I gave him a laxative."
Owner: "You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
Clerk: "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
#NationalTellAJokeDay
Leaway2
Lycrist
- Location
- Manchester (Sale)
Brilliant!
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Aliens finally land on earth and they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
What do you call a hippy's wife?
Mississippi
Mississippi
Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
This one only works verbally:
What's got 4 eyes and can't see?
Mississippi
And another one:
How do you get two whales in a mini?
You go up the A5.
What's got 4 eyes and can't see?
Mississippi
And another one:
How do you get two whales in a mini?
You go up the A5.
