Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

 

[Andrew_P]

Me: What's the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.<
Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.
Barman: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Barman: £3.
Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase

 

[Andrew_P]

Someone's just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me . Don't worry I only received super fish oil injuries.

 

[Cavalol]

Just bought myself a pen that writes underwater.



It writes other words too.

 

[Cavalol]

Popped along to a vegan festival yesterday. It was great!



Definitely worth a butchers.

 

[Cavalol]

I lost at the pub quiz last night when I was asked to name three Meatloaf songs, I got Bat out of hell and Took the words right out of my mouth, but couldn't remember another.

I suppose two out of three ain't bad.

 

[morrisman]

Where do mansplainers get their water?
From a well, actually.


You see, this is funny because a "Mansplainer" (a portmanteau of "Man" and "Explain") very often begins their explanations with the words, "Well, actually".

The joke would have been a lot more humorous if I had added an ellipsis to the end. An ellipsis is three dots a the end of a sentence that indicates more would be said, but it is not relevant to the joke. I could continue...

 

[Smokin Joe]

I could continue...

But thanks for not doing so.

 

[PK99]

 

[Dayvo]

Unfortunately it's not funny.

 

[oldfatfool]

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm?

Hold onto your nuts son this is no ordinary blow job.

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

The old guy who makes the patisserie in the local bakers is leaving after 25 years; hard chouxs to fill...

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Cavalol]

If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later.

 

[morrisman]

What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?
2 kilomockingbirds