Any good jokes ... ?

[TVC]

 

[Dayvo]

Started my new job as a litter collector in town today.

Didn't get any training, but I think I'll pick it up as I go along.

 

[User33236]

Kim Jong-un was spotted down the job centre today. Apparently, due to getting on the wrong side of western leaders, he's worried he might need to find a new Korea.

 

[Smartarse]

I'm sure my best friend Carol has been fooling around with my husband. She's been a miserable cow for weeks.

 

[Dayvo]

An old lady was sipping a glass of wine while sitting in the garden with her husband, and she says, 'I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you.'

Her husband sarcastically asks, 'Is that you or the wine talking?'

She replies, 'It's me... talking to the wine.'

 

[AndyRM]

How does a monkey get down the stairs?

Slides down the bananaster.

 

[Smartarse]

My husband says he's leaving me this weekend.

I've begged and I've pleaded, I've got down on my knees but he refuses to go before then.

 

[Profpointy]

An islamaphope, white supremicist and serial sex pest walk into a bar....

"what'll you have Mr Trump?" says the barman.

 

[ozboz]

 

[Cubist]

Soon after our bitter and acrimonious divorce I heard that my ex had drowned in a wishing well. Shocked to be honest........... I had no idea those things actually worked.

 

[AndyRM]

What did the ref do to the parachutist who landed on the pitch? He booked him for descent ...

 

[PK99]

A man walks into a library, and says to the Librarian, “I'm looking for a book that's been recommended to me… It's about Pavlov’s Dogs and Schrodinger’s Cat… Do you know it?”

The Librarian answers, “well, that rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not”.

 

[lutonloony]

A man walks into a library, and says to the Librarian, “I'm looking for a book that's been recommended to me… It's about Pavlov’s Dogs and Schrodinger’s Cat… Do you know it?”

The Librarian answers, “well, that rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not”.

I asked the librarian if she could tell me where the self help books were, but she said it would defeat the point

 

[Smartarse]

I surprised our fit plumber today by opening the door to him dressed in a sexy negligee.
He looked me up and down before asking "Em, is your husband in pet?"
"Does it look like he's in?" I replied, giving him a little wiggle. "Is there something I can help you with?" I asked in my best sultry voice.
"Not really" he said, "I need your car reversing out of the drive"

 

[gbb]

There's a total eclipse in America soon.

Apparently the best way to watch it is through a colander.

Obviously, take care not to strain your eyes.