Any good jokes ... ?

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A couple of Jehovah's Witnesses called round yesterday. I normally send them away, but I was home on my own and bored so I invited them in just to pass the time.

They came in and sat in the living room looking embarrassed and just glancing at each other nervously. So I said, "Well, what have you got to say?"

One replied, "We don't know, we've never got this far before".
 
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User6179

Guest
I woke up bitchy early this morning.

Sometimes I let her lie in.
 

Threevok

Growing old disgracefully
Location
South Wales
A couple of Jehovah's Witnesses called round yesterday. I normally send them away, but I was home on my own and bored so I invited them in just to pass the time.

They came in and sat in the living room looking embarrassed and just glancing at each other nervously. So I said, "Well, what have you got to say?"

One replied, "We don't know, we've never got this far before".

Reminds me of the OTT sketch


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7c6_uxLOVk

There was also another in Alexia Sayle's own show, where he answers the door dressed as Joseph. Can't find it though
 
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guitarpete247

Just about surviving
Location
Leicestershire
The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine
Knicked from BBC news website.
 

betty swollocks

large member
My local corner shop is run by an Asian follower of Zen. He sold me a tub of spread and when I opened it, behold, there on the lid was the Messiah. Much as I felt blessed, I couldn't bring myself to use it, so I took it back for a replacement. The shopkeeper asked me to show him and his face dropped upon seeing the wondrous sight. He exclaimed, "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
 
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betty swollocks

large member
IMG_1392.JPG
 
  • Two Nuns were riding a tandem along Wapping Warf in Bristol. The Nun on the back seat (the stoker) remarked "I've never come this way before", the reply "Must be the cobble stones"
 
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