Any good jokes ... ?

[Seevio]

I hate break-ups. It's always the same tired cliches.
"I's not you, it's me..."
"I just need my own space..."
"We can still be cousins..."

 

[PaulSB]

A bit like the one a Nurse told me when I was in hospital having my leg fixed,

What's the difference between God and a Consultant Surgeon?

God doesn't think that He's a Consultant Surgeon.

I had an uncle who worked in the Colonial Office - I was very young and he was quite old. One of his favourite jokes was:

CMG - Call me God
KCMK - Kindly call me God
GCMG - God calls me God

 

[Smokin Joe]

A nun walks into WH Smiths and asks the assistant, "Have you got any books on the Immaculate Conception?"

He replies, "Yes, over there under theology. Having a little refresher, are we?"

"No" she says, "I'm pregnant and I want to get my story right".

 

[benb]

A nun walks into WH Smiths and asks the assistant, "Have you got any books on the Immaculate Conception?"

He replies, "Yes, over there under theology. Having a little refresher, are we?"

"No" she says, "I'm pregnant and I want to get my story right".

That doesn't work though, as the immaculate conception refers to the conception of Mary, not Jesus. (basically to claim she was free from original sin, and therefore so would Jesus be)
She was conceived in the normal way though, without any supernatural impregnation.
It's the virginal conception you would want a book on for tips on how to cover up a pregnancy.

 

[swee'pea99]

That doesn't work though, as the immaculate conception refers to the conception of Mary, not Jesus. (basically to claim she was free from original sin, and therefore so would Jesus be)
She was conceived in the normal way though, without any supernatural impregnation.
It's the virginal conception you would want a book on for tips on how to cover up a pregnancy.

That could be the least funny post on this thread. Then again, considering some of the jokes...

 

[benb]

That could be the least funny post on this thread.

Achievement unlocked.

 

[Leaway2]

That doesn't work though, as the immaculate conception refers to the conception of Mary, not Jesus. (basically to claim she was free from original sin, and therefore so would Jesus be)
She was conceived in the normal way though, without any supernatural impregnation.
It's the virginal conception you would want a book on for tips on how to cover up a pregnancy.

Well it may not be funny, but definitely comes under the TIL. So have a like.

 

[postman]

Not a lot of people know this.But i got fired on my first day in my first job.

I was third sales at WH Smith,
A women approached me and asked .Do you sell Stationery.
I replied,no i move around a lot.

 

[Welsh wheels]

My wife told me today that I was one in a million. After checking through her text messages it looks like she was right.

 

[EltonFrog]

They have worked out why the recent cyber attack did not wipe out a lot more GP's seems it could not get past the receptionist.

As a result of reading this, I used a version of this gag at my gig at The Magic Circle on Tuesday. Thanks, it got a great laugh.

 

[flake99please]

There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing, "I want to know what love is."

Bloody Foreigner.

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

That doesn't work though, as the immaculate conception refers to the conception of Mary, not Jesus. (basically to claim she was free from original sin, and therefore so would Jesus be)
She was conceived in the normal way though, without any supernatural impregnation.
It's the virginal conception you would want a book on for tips on how to cover up a pregnancy.

How did Mary get up the duff then?

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

Mod note: Just a reminder that this is the jokes thread not a theological discussion.

Back on track from here please.

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

I see the publicity for the new Omen film franchise is under way...

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

Just been to the gym and they've got a new machine in, I only used it for about an hour then I started to feel sick!

But its great, its got snickers , kitkats, mars bars, crisps and everything in it...