Any good jokes ... ?

[raleighnut]

Diet tip
If you think you are hungry, you may just be thirsty.

Drink a pitcher of margeritas
And see how you feel.

 

[PaulSB]

A man walks in to a bar dressed in a hospital gown. He orders treble whisky and says to the barman:

"I shouldn't be drinking this"

Barman: "Is that on doctor's orders?"

Man: "No, I've only got 50p with me"

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Exit signs are on the way out.

 

[PeteXXX]

When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!


Courtessy of -- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

 

[Arjimlad]

When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!


Courtessy of -- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

Next verse..

 

[postman]

So she asked me did i want a ball deodorant,no for under my arms i replied.

Which reminds me of a day a long long time ago.Summer of 1972 my first summer being a Postman.I am delivering on Wigton Lane a very very posh part of Leeds 17.I wait while a Rolls Royce starts to pull away from the driveway.He stops greets me and asks for his post.He tells me he is going playing golf.I noticed his bag and a couple of balls which had rolled out on to the leather seating.Plus two wooden pegs.
What are they i asked,They are for resting my balls on when i drive off.Hell i said Rolls Royce think of everything.

 

[morrisman]

I was disappointed to come second in the Cat Shaving Championships.

I only lost by a whisker.

But as a consolation the rear quarters were said to was perfect, in fact I won the cat-ass-trophy

 

[Smokin Joe]

I came across a blind man today and had one of those awkward moments whether I was meant to help him or not.

In the end I stayed quiet and let him finish his dump in the lift.

 

[Profpointy]

I came across a blind man today and had one of those awkward moments whether I was meant to help him or not.

In the end I stayed quiet and let him finish his dump in the lift.

That's revolting, wrong and brilliant ! Trying not to laugh out loud billy no-mates in a restaurant

 

[Welsh wheels]

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

 

[morrisman]

My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with Africa.
Kenya believe that?

I need to find out if my wife will take me to the northernmost US state.
Alaska later.

 

[raleighnut]

My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with Africa.
Kenya believe that?

I need to find out if my wife will take me to the northernmost US state.
Alaska later.

Good luck with that 'Me old China'

 

[morrisman]

"I'm going gambling in the south of France"

"Toulouse?"

"I hope not"

 

[benb]

I need to find out if my wife will take me to the northernmost US state.
Alaska later.

Fun fact: Alaska is not only the most Northern and Western state in the US, it's also the most Eastern, as some of its islands cross the 180º line of longitude, so are in the Eastern Hemisphere.

 

[PK99]