Any good jokes ... ?

[Markymark]

My wife said "talk dirty to me". So I said "bathroom, kitchen, living room"

It was only my third date when I uttered those three little words every woman so longs to hear......"Are those real?"

 

[ufkacbln]

How many honest, caring, sensitive, intelligent men does it take to change a lightbulb?

Both of them.

Won't be this weekend though, I am already engaged at a Terry Thomas home electronics course

 

[TVC]

Me: Oops, I'm all fingers and thumbs.
Dr Frankenstein: Yeah, sorry about that.

 

[ufkacbln]

Achbishop Desmond Tutu has announced his marriage to the singer Shania Twain

They will now be known as Mr and Mrs "Tutu Twain"

Equally, Singer Isla St Clair married the son of Brian Ferry, then after a bitter divorce married the soul singer Barry White

She now wishes to be known as "Isla White-Ferry"

 

[Hitchington]

What’s the most popular chocolate bar at a Mexican funeral?

A sombre Aero.

 

[Hitchington]

What's blue and white and has massive teeth?
Leicester Rantzen.

 

[Hitchington]

What's blue and white and sings Cuban music?
Gloria Leicesterfan

 

[Hitchington]

Why do ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies

 

[TVC]

What's blue and white and sings Cuban music?
Gloria Leicesterfan

I may be using that one.

 

[raleighnut]

A bloke down the pub was telling me how his wife had got very lazy these days.
"How do you mean" I asked.
"Well" He replied "Every time I go for a pee in the kitchen sink it's full of dirty washing up"

 

[ufkacbln]

Two persons of non specific race, colour, creed, ethnic origin, gender or sexual orientation walk into a bar........

You would have thought the second one would have ducked!

 

[ufkacbln]

A Doctor (of non specific race, colour, creed, ethnic origin, gender or sexual orientation and is not defined by their family and class upbringing gains a a medical qualification who uses the professional title title Doctor) likes to stop at a bar after work and enjoy an almond daiquiri. One day, the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and says, “Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?” And Dick says, “It’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc.”

 

[Dave7]

At the front of the bus queue is a massive woman with an equally massive arse. Her phone starts beeping. a young lad shouts out........"bloody hell, look out, she's reversing"

 

[ufkacbln]

At the front of the bus queue is a massive woman with an equally massive arse. Her phone starts beeping. a young lad shouts out........"bloody hell, look out, she's reversing"

Surely:

At the front of the bus queue is a massive woman with an equally massive arse A person of non specific race, colour, creed, ethnic origin, gender or sexual orientation is standing at the font of a bus queue (which does not imply that there they are in any way not making an informed lifestyle choice by using public transport . .... Nor is the fact that they have a high BMI in any way an indictment of their lifestyle, dietary choice or any possible medical condition)

Their phone starts beeping. a young lad shouts out........"bloody hell, look out, a person of non specific race, colour, creed, ethnic origin, gender or sexual orientation is reversing"

 

[welsh dragon]

Surely:

At the front of the bus queue is a massive woman with an equally massive arse A person of non specific race, colour, creed, ethnic origin, gender or sexual orientation is standing at the font of a bus queue (which does not imply that there they are in any way not making an informed lifestyle choice by using public transport . .... Nor is the fact that they have a high BMI in any way an indictment of their lifestyle, dietary choice or any possible medical condition)

Their phone starts beeping. a young lad shouts out........"bloody hell, look out, a person of non specific race, colour, creed, ethnic origin, gender or sexual orientation is reversing"