machew
Veteran
Twice as well as his brothers
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
True story - as I was there - The White Swan in Twickenham (nice riverside pub):
Had a guy drinking in there one afternoon - bit of a knob - left the pub after several beers only to return a few minuted later in an angry mood. Went up to the manageress to complain that he had received a parking ticket on his car. He wanted to know what she was going to do about it. She said she was sorry to hear that but that it really wasn't her responsibility where he parked his car on a public road and there wasn't a lot she could do about it etc.
Ended up with him shouting "What sort of f***ing pub doesn't have a car park?" and her replying, very calmly, and much to the amusement of the rest of the bar "The sort of f***ing pub that was built two hundred years before the internal combustion engine was invented!"
Had a guy drinking in there one afternoon - bit of a knob - left the pub after several beers only to return a few minuted later in an angry mood. Went up to the manageress to complain that he had received a parking ticket on his car. He wanted to know what she was going to do about it. She said she was sorry to hear that but that it really wasn't her responsibility where he parked his car on a public road and there wasn't a lot she could do about it etc.
Ended up with him shouting "What sort of f***ing pub doesn't have a car park?" and her replying, very calmly, and much to the amusement of the rest of the bar "The sort of f***ing pub that was built two hundred years before the internal combustion engine was invented!"
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
Another one - from the same pub - and apologies in advance for the sexist nature but sometimes excuses can be made...
Beautiful Sunday afternoon and the pub was really busy. It has a very quiet road separating it from the pub and the riverside pub garden and a couple of hundred or so drinkers were spread out along the pavement, in the road and riverbank/garden. A Lamborghini pulls up making a rather ostentatious arrival - revving the engine a lot and getting people to move out of the road. He ended up parking right in front of the garden gate blocking it slightly. By this time the entire crowed had turned around to look (I guess this was what the driver wanted) and finally the engine cut and the whole place was quiet and focused on the car, waiting to see who got out. The doors opened and a rather nondescript couple emerged... the silence was broken by an Australian having a couple of beers close to us who shouted out at the top of his voice "F**k me! You'd think he could pull a better looking bird than that!"
Beautiful Sunday afternoon and the pub was really busy. It has a very quiet road separating it from the pub and the riverside pub garden and a couple of hundred or so drinkers were spread out along the pavement, in the road and riverbank/garden. A Lamborghini pulls up making a rather ostentatious arrival - revving the engine a lot and getting people to move out of the road. He ended up parking right in front of the garden gate blocking it slightly. By this time the entire crowed had turned around to look (I guess this was what the driver wanted) and finally the engine cut and the whole place was quiet and focused on the car, waiting to see who got out. The doors opened and a rather nondescript couple emerged... the silence was broken by an Australian having a couple of beers close to us who shouted out at the top of his voice "F**k me! You'd think he could pull a better looking bird than that!"
Profpointy
Legendary Member
the poor woman was likely cross with him already for showing off, so that must have really been the icing on the cake
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
Or it could have been her car and she just let him drive it...
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
^ I would have won that sweepstake.
glenn forger
Guest
You cannot leave it like that, we need details.
ayceejay
Guru
- Location
- Rural Quebec
"You're a knob"
"No, you're a knob"
"No, you're a knob"
"I'm a knob?No, you're a knob"
"I'm not a knob, you're a knob"
"No, you're a knob"
"No, you're a knob"
"I'm a knob?No, you're a knob"
"I'm not a knob, you're a knob"
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce?
Chicken Caesar salad.
Chicken Caesar salad.
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
Whilst I agree, you had to be there... most of my mates are liberal 'feminists' for want of a better term and they were wetting themselves laughing...Australian men and their legendary sense of humour. Another good reason not to want to go and live there.
machew
Veteran
Evan and Dai were lost in the desert, and were dying of thirst. All at once they saw a collection of tents and market stalls in the distance. They rushed into the first and asked if they sold water. "No," replied the Arab within, "We only have custard."
The men went into the next tent and asked the same question. "I'm sorry," said the second Arab, "We only sell jelly."
Perplexed, the men went to the last stall in the market, once again asking if there is any water to spare. "A thousand apologies," said the Arab, "We only have sponge cakes."
The men left, disappointed and a little confused.
"That was weird," said Evan.
"Yes," replied Dai, "It was a trifle bazaar."
The men went into the next tent and asked the same question. "I'm sorry," said the second Arab, "We only sell jelly."
Perplexed, the men went to the last stall in the market, once again asking if there is any water to spare. "A thousand apologies," said the Arab, "We only have sponge cakes."
The men left, disappointed and a little confused.
"That was weird," said Evan.
"Yes," replied Dai, "It was a trifle bazaar."
