I wasn't talking about moderation. I was pondering aloud about taking responsibility for the jokes one tells. The title of the thread is 'Any good jokes?', so posting to post a joke here in response is effectively to say 'here's a good one.' I'd have thought it was entirely the appropriate place, therefore, to think about what does and doesn't make a good joke, to whom, and why.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
I don't mind the jokes, it's the arrogant insinuation that Irish people have learning difficulties that annoys me. But as I told one smart-arse just last week, if the Irish are so thick, how come we so often end up showing the English how to use their own language?
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
I just got 15 Valentine's cards! It's left me completely breathless.
That security guard at Clinton's gave quite a chase!
That security guard at Clinton's gave quite a chase!
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Wearing a bit thin that one......
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
Tell him to use some lube next time.
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
I know. I wish mine was as small as yours.
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
my wife never got the nuns in the bath with soap joke till she was in her 30s. she never led a sheltered life
Haitch
Flim Flormally
- Location
- Netherlands
That´s a joke, right?
Dave Smith is on his death bed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in London.
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak: "My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses. My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments over in the East end. My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City. Sarah, my dear wife, please take the residential buildings on the banks of the Thames."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realise the extent of his holdings.
As Dave slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. Smith, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"
"Property? “Sarah Smith replies, "The pillock had a window cleaning round."
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak: "My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses. My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments over in the East end. My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City. Sarah, my dear wife, please take the residential buildings on the banks of the Thames."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realise the extent of his holdings.
As Dave slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. Smith, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"
"Property? “Sarah Smith replies, "The pillock had a window cleaning round."
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for £500. If not cured, get back £1,000."
Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get £1,000, so he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Aaagh !! -- This is petrol!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be £500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't! -- That's petrol!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be £500."
Dr. Young, having lost £1000, leaves angrily but comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak. -- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I'm sorry, but I don't have any medicine for that so,
here's your £1000 back." and handed Dr. Young a £10 note.
Dr. Young: "But this is only £10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back!. That will be £500."
Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get £1,000, so he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Aaagh !! -- This is petrol!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be £500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't! -- That's petrol!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be £500."
Dr. Young, having lost £1000, leaves angrily but comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak. -- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I'm sorry, but I don't have any medicine for that so,
here's your £1000 back." and handed Dr. Young a £10 note.
Dr. Young: "But this is only £10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back!. That will be £500."
glenn forger
Guest
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
