Any good jokes ... ?

[Alex H]

 

[classic33]

After a long and exhausting day, a young woman finally settled into her seat on the train, hoping for a peaceful ride home. She closed her eyes, ready to drift into some much-needed rest.

But her hopes were quickly dashed by the man sitting next to her, who whipped out his phone and began speaking loudly enough for the entire train car to hear.

“Hi, sweetheart, it’s John! I’m on the train,” he announced.
“Yes, I know it’s 6:30, not 4:30, but I had a long meeting.”
“No, honey, I wasn’t with Cathy from Accounts—I was with the boss, I swear.”
“You’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, dear.”

For a solid fifteen minutes, the conversation dragged on, his voice dominating the space and testing the patience of everyone around him.
Finally, the young woman had enough. She leaned in close to him, then spoke loudly into his phone:
“John, darling, hang up and come back to bed already.”

The train car erupted into laughter, and John’s face turned bright red. He hung up instantly.
And from that day, John never made another loud phone call in public.

 

[Seevio]

After a long and exhausting day, a young woman finally settled into her seat on the train, hoping for a peaceful ride home. She closed her eyes, ready to drift into some much-needed rest.

But her hopes were quickly dashed by the man sitting next to her, who whipped out his phone and began speaking loudly enough for the entire train car to hear.

“Hi, sweetheart, it’s John! I’m on the train,” he announced.
“Yes, I know it’s 6:30, not 4:30, but I had a long meeting.”
“No, honey, I wasn’t with Cathy from Accounts—I was with the boss, I swear.”
“You’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, dear.”

For a solid fifteen minutes, the conversation dragged on, his voice dominating the space and testing the patience of everyone around him.
Finally, the young woman had enough. She leaned in close to him, then spoke loudly into his phone:
“John, darling, hang up and come back to bed already.”

The train car erupted into laughter, and John’s face turned bright red. He hung up instantly.
And from that day, John never made another loud phone call in public.

Did you forget where you read this?

 

[Dave7]

I have read, several times, that it's important to disable cookies.......
So I got a gingerbread man and bit his legs off.

 

[Speicher]

I have never watched the film The Hunt For Red October.
I just don't enjoy films with sub titles.

You will knot like Crimson Tied.

 

[oldwheels]

From the Isle of Harris news re a well known supermarket in Stornoway.

 

[Cavalol]

Just a reminder that Lidl will be closed on Christmas day so that both cashiers can be with their families.

 

[mistyoptic]

Every morning, I like to take my pet cow for a walk through a vineyard.

Yes, I herd it through the grapevine

 

[tyred]

 

[Alex H]

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what exactly is your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks finally had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he happily agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry: '9..'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry: '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a bright 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'You know, I reckon Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'
But Ms. Brooks is still skeptical of the little pipper and says to the principal, 'Not so fast, let me ask him a few questions..'
The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of ?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question.
Harry replied: 'Pockets.’ to the Principal’s great relief…..
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
By now, the principal is sitting forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal is now trembling with apprehension as Ms. Brooks asks the last question……
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' and indicates a great deal of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.
The principal breaths a huge sigh of relief and tells the teacher, " Put the little in 5th-Grade, I got the last seven questions wrong myself."

 

[Alex H]

 

[Alex H]

 

[raleighnut]

View attachment 753240

Stealers Wheel

 

[tyred]

 

[Alex H]