Any good jokes ... ?

[AndyRM]

After defeat last night to England over the weekend the knives are out for the Swiss manager, as well as the screwdriver, the little scissors, the pliers...

 

[PK99]

Grits are horrid. Biscuits and gravy can be amazing.

Grits are essentially the same as African pap, or Zimbabwean Sudza/Sadza. The difference being that grits is made from yellow maize, sudza from white.

Sudza is a neutral carbohydrate staple akin boiled white rice made palatable by accompanying stew or sauce

Grits were introduced by African slaves in SW USA.

 

[Mike Ayling]

i had the google this , its scones in a cream sauce with sausage bits

Yorkshire pudding and gravy anyone?

 

[tyred]

 

[Chris S]

 

[Chris S]

 

[AndyRM]

 

[MichaelW2]

Grits are essentially the same as African pap, or Zimbabwean Sudza/Sadza. The difference being that grits is made from yellow maize, sudza from white.

Sudza is a neutral carbohydrate staple akin boiled white rice made palatable by accompanying stew or sauce

Grits were introduced by African slaves in SW USA.

Grits were probably introduced to Africa by Portuguese slave traders. Maize is indiginous to the Americas.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Football rules when we were kids.

1. - The fatty was always the goalkeeper
2. - The game ended when everyone was tired
3. - Even if the score was 20-0 whoever scored last won.
4. - No referee.
5. - Give a foul only if it was very clear or someone started to cry.
6. - There was no such thing as offside
7. - If the owner of the ball got angry, the match was over.
8. - The two best players couldn't be on the same team and they knew that too.
9. - If you were chosen last, it was a big humiliation, it meant nobody wanted you.
10. - you even played 2-3 hours in a row.
11. - The match was stopped when an elderly man passed by
12. - Neighborhood players were enemies forever.
13. - Those who had no idea about football remained reserves or at maximum defenders.
14. - When the big ones were playing, you had to leave the field without protesting.
15. -There was always a neighbor who wouldn’t let you play and threatened you to take the ball and put it inside.
16. - If there was a bet, the game was very serious as if it were a final.
17. - The goals were two rocks or two jackets, but there was always a team with the smaller goal.
18. - When the goalkeeper was pushed, the goal was invalid.
19. - The rules were established before the match even started.
20. - If it was a penalty, remove the fat one and the best one goalkeeper would appear.

 

[AndyRM]

Football rules when we were kids.

1. - The fatty was always the goalkeeper
2. - The game ended when everyone was tired
3. - Even if the score was 20-0 whoever scored last won.
4. - No referee.
5. - Give a foul only if it was very clear or someone started to cry.
6. - There was no such thing as offside
7. - If the owner of the ball got angry, the match was over.
8. - The two best players couldn't be on the same team and they knew that too.
9. - If you were chosen last, it was a big humiliation, it meant nobody wanted you.
10. - you even played 2-3 hours in a row.
11. - The match was stopped when an elderly man passed by
12. - Neighborhood players were enemies forever.
13. - Those who had no idea about football remained reserves or at maximum defenders.
14. - When the big ones were playing, you had to leave the field without protesting.
15. -There was always a neighbor who wouldn’t let you play and threatened you to take the ball and put it inside.
16. - If there was a bet, the game was very serious as if it were a final.
17. - The goals were two rocks or two jackets, but there was always a team with the smaller goal.
18. - When the goalkeeper was pushed, the goal was invalid.
19. - The rules were established before the match even started.
20. - If it was a penalty, remove the fat one and the best one goalkeeper would appear.

3, 7, 8 and 14 especially.

 

[Profpointy]

Grits are horrid. Biscuits and gravy can be amazing.

Whilst I've never had "biscuits and gravy", given it is more or less dumplings in a sausage stew it should be pretty good if you can overcome the unappealing description. To look at it from the other side of The Pond I had an American working for me who just couldn't bring himself to order faggots in the canteen seemingly because of the name. Faggots day was a treat, to the extent if you'd been too busy to join the early lunchers they'd tip you off on their return so you didn't miss out

 

[Profpointy]

Grits are essentially the same as African pap, or Zimbabwean Sudza/Sadza. The difference being that grits is made from yellow maize, sudza from white.

Sudza is a neutral carbohydrate staple akin boiled white rice made palatable by accompanying stew or sauce

Grits were introduced by African slaves in SW USA.

Is it more or less polenta then? Polenta can be dreary mush or can be really good

 

[AndyRM]

Is it more or less polenta then? Polenta can be dreary mush or can be really good

Sloppy polenta or shan porridge. It's not great.

 

[Electric_Andy]

I had grits with my breakfast at a crackerbarell in Florida. It wasn't bad but I wouldn't call it tasty. I ate it because I wanted to eat what the locals ate!

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Football rules when we were kids.

1. - The fatty was always the goalkeeper
2. - The game ended when everyone was tired
3. - Even if the score was 20-0 whoever scored last won.
4. - No referee.
5. - Give a foul only if it was very clear or someone started to cry.
6. - There was no such thing as offside
7. - If the owner of the ball got angry, the match was over.
8. - The two best players couldn't be on the same team and they knew that too.
9. - If you were chosen last, it was a big humiliation, it meant nobody wanted you.
10. - you even played 2-3 hours in a row.
11. - The match was stopped when an elderly man passed by
12. - Neighborhood players were enemies forever.
13. - Those who had no idea about football remained reserves or at maximum defenders.
14. - When the big ones were playing, you had to leave the field without protesting.
15. -There was always a neighbor who wouldn’t let you play and threatened you to take the ball and put it inside.
16. - If there was a bet, the game was very serious as if it were a final.
17. - The goals were two rocks or two jackets, but there was always a team with the smaller goal.
18. - When the goalkeeper was pushed, the goal was invalid.
19. - The rules were established before the match even started.
20. - If it was a penalty, remove the fat one and the best one goalkeeper would appear.

The goal was determined to be "over the bar" because.......

The game of football in my day was the basis for Internation Diplomacy
If you can successfully play a game of football with "the lads" without having to call the UN or Ambulance then an Internation Incident is child's play