Any good jokes ... ?

[Electric_Andy]

These lions need better protection 🙀

oops. I can confirm...different Lion, different Zoo

 

[srj10]

I tried running a dating service for chickens, but I struggled to make hens meet.

 

[Seevio]

I started up a dating site for chickens, it's not my main job, I'm just doing it…
…to make hens meet!

I tried running a dating service for chickens, but I struggled to make hens meet.

Have a word with @roadrash if you want tips on how to run a chicken dating service.

 

[Dave7]

“A man walks into a pharmacy and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’
The pharmacist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’

The man says, ‘No, I’ll take it with me now.'”

 

[tony111]

 

[craigwend]

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

I'm not saying my ex-wife is ugly, but one Halloween she went round to next door to complain about the noise and came back with a bag of sweets.

 

[Hover Fly]

I was talking to an army bugler recently, he told me about circular breathing, where you breathe in and blow at the same time.
“That‘s nothing” I said, “at home I’ve got something that sucks and doesn’t suck at the same time.”
”What’s that?”
”A really crappy vacuum cleaner”

 

[colly]

If you lived next door to Jean Claude Van Damme and you didn't like him, you could refer to him as "that damn Van Damme".

And if he parked his work vehicle outside your house you could say "that damn Van Damme van".

And if he worked at the nearby hydro-electric facility you could say "that damn Van Damme dam van.

Not only that but he would park in a neighbours drive too. His neighbour could be heard muttering ''Damn that Van Damme dam van''

 

[Cavalol]

'Why has everything to got be a game with you?' my missus asked.
'Great question, love,' I replied, 'but next time please use the buzzer'

 

[DaveReading]

Not only that but he would park in a neighbours drive too. His neighbour could be heard muttering ''Damn that Van Damme dam van''

Oh I see, you changed the order of the words - I'd never have thought of that.

 

[tyred]

 

[srj10]

Why was Cinderella rubbish at football?
She had a pumpkin as a coach.
If you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it's diameter you get pumpkin pi.
Breaking News
Swede arrested on suspicion of spying.
That's a turnip for the books.

 

[Toshiba Boy]