Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[JohnCl]

 

[Jameshow]

Said to wife do you want a KitKat, chunky?.......

The wait in A+E is over 4 hours can you get me a McDonald's?!!

 

[Cavalol]

Yes, but WHERE on Eileen?

 

[raleighnut]

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished."

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening.

All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.

A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those buggers just as hard as I could."

The trainer exclaimed, "Oh, so that's what finished him off?!!!"

"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls..."

Billy Connolly in the 70's, but it was a small Scottish bloke facing up to 'Ivan The Terrible' at a Circus wrestling booth............When interviewed later 'Wee Shuggysaid It's amazing the surge of strength you get when you bite yer Ain Willy

 

[tyred]

 

[cisamcgu]

 

[newts]

 

[Salty seadog]

 

[tyred]

 

[NorthernDave]

I just burnt a Hawaiian pizza.

I should have cooked it at aloha temperature

 

[Electric_Andy]

View attachment 690274

So true with one of my exes. One day I said I'll wait in the pub whilst she went shopping. When she returned I didn't know what day it was

 

[srj10]

Vegans need to stop questioning other peoples eating habits otherwise we could have another spinach inquisition.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

View attachment 690310

That really doesn;t work when it is on a forum and you scroll down it bit by bit

jus sayin'