Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

Optician: Your eye test results are in.

Me: Can I see them?

Optician: Probably not.

 

[flopner]

I was at Sea World and was near the pool with the baby dolphins
They looked so hungry and were squeaking like they wanted food
I spotted a bucket with fish in it nearby so I started feeding them and they liked it
About 15 minutes later the trainer came over and said " I was late feeding them, thanks for helping out"
I said " It's OK , I always like to serve a youthful porpoise"

 

[PeteXXX]

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed....

 

[Cavalol]

I couldn't sleep last night , so I read the dictionary.
By 3.00 am, I was past caring.

 

[kynikos]

I couldn't sleep last night , so I read the dictionary.
By 3.00 am, I was past caring.

...but heading towards sleep.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Reading the dictionary is no good for getting to sleep by counting sheep

there is only 1 sheep in it

 

[Cavalol]

I like to spell out abbreviations, exempli gratia, exempli gratia.

 

[tyred]

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

My wife: You're very good at interfering.

Me: What do you want, a meddle?

 

[craigwend]

If enough of us don’t turn up to work on Monday is it another bank holiday?

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

If enough of us don’t turn up to work on Monday is it another bank holiday?

No
Get back to work all of you

and leave all the canal paths and paths to us retired people!!
bloomin' young people getting in the way of a nice cycle ride - should be slaving away to pay for my pension!!!

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]