Any good jokes ... ?
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Alex321
Guru
- Location
- South Wales
A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.
Before the match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished."
The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening.
All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those buggers just as hard as I could."
The trainer exclaimed, "Oh, so that's what finished him off?!!!"
"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls..."
Before the match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished."
The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening.
All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those buggers just as hard as I could."
The trainer exclaimed, "Oh, so that's what finished him off?!!!"
"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls..."
mistyoptic
Vintage
- Location
- A parallel reality
I was chatting with a chap in the pub the other night, and the conversation veered onto magic. “I met a witch once” he said. I expressed a degree of scepticism.
“No,really” says he. “I was driving home late one night and I saw this girl walking down an unlit road. Feeling concerned for her safety, I stopped and offered her a lift. She accepted and, as we drove along we chatted. When I asked what she did for a living, she told me she was a witch. I said I didn’t think witches existed. At that point, she put her hand on my knee and I turned into a lay-by”
“No,really” says he. “I was driving home late one night and I saw this girl walking down an unlit road. Feeling concerned for her safety, I stopped and offered her a lift. She accepted and, as we drove along we chatted. When I asked what she did for a living, she told me she was a witch. I said I didn’t think witches existed. At that point, she put her hand on my knee and I turned into a lay-by”
Billy Connolly made more of a story of it on his 1975 "Get Right Intae Him" album.
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu9GteQWh38
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
AndyRM
XOXO
- Location
- North Shields
This is incredibly accurate.
oldfatfool
Guru
Billy Connolly
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
