Any good jokes ... ?

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Andy_R

Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
Location
County Durham
So the lads asked if I wanted to go out for a drink last night. I checked with Mrs_R that we didn't have anything planned already, and told her I was going out but would be back by midnight.

A few beers too many resulted in me getting home at 3.00 am.

As I opened the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall cuckooed 3 times.

Thinking that this might wake Mrs_R, I hastily cuckooed 9 more times. Genius, eh! Drunk as a skunk, but still quick witted.

I crawled in to bed without waking Mrs_R

The following morning she asked me what time I got in.

"Midnight, why?"

"We need a new clock in the hall then."

When I asked her why, she replied "Well last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said "Oh cr@p," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed 3 more times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the cat and farted."
 
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tyred

Legendary Member
Location
Ireland
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Blue

Squire
Location
N Ireland
I was driving on the M5 last night, the road was almost empty so I was doing around the 120mph mark. Suddenly there was a guy on a motorcycle right next to me, he was standing on the seat, one hand on the handle bars and the other holding an unlit cigarette. I wound the window down and he shouted at me, asking “do you have a light?” I said “are you stupid you’re going to die” he shouted back, “nah I’ll be alright, I only smoke 2 a day”.
 
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