Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[NorthernDave]

You may jest but a pal of mine wanted let's say 12m of plastic conduit for whatever job he was. designing, and duly filled in a chiti. A while later someone came to say his stuff had arrived so he said "stick it down there under my desk", and the baffled guy said "you're 'avin a laugh, there's a truck load of it" He went down and sure enough a truck load, and two more trucks waiting for space. It turned out he'd ordered 12 "lots" rather than metres and a "lot" was a large bundle of long lengths of the stuff. Apparently it was all used up eventually over a number of years. One reason he didn't spot it was that he'd order from a part number book but didn't have sight of the prices, so he'd not spotted that couple of thousand quid was a bit steep, but was within his budget.

Different guy at the same place had accidentally ordered 7m of 200 core cable rather than 200m of 7 core. The suppliers had made it as a special order a d even had to make an extra large drum to wind it onto as it was the thickness of an elephant's trunk. Being only 7m long it was no use at all even if there'd been a subsequent need for 200 core cable.
.

Apologies, late to this party but someone at the garage I used to work at ordered a 205 litre barrel of engine oil. Unfortunately they actually ordered 205 1-litre cans of engine oil...

 

[NorthernDave]

My dentist is offering discounted teeth cleaning today.

It's plaque Friday.

 

[markemark]

I went for a check-up yesterday. Caught me a bit off guard, and I guess it’s my age now, but the rubber glove went on for a good feel around in my bum.

Great news all around, no issues, no fillings needed and keep the flossing up and I won’t need to go back for 6 months.

 

[gbb]

Apologies, late to this party but someone at the garage I used to work at ordered a 205 litre barrel of engine oil. Unfortunately they actually ordered 205 1-litre cans of engine oil...

We used to use 3/4 inch pitch industrial chain, came in boxes with 25ft per box. I ordered 25ft, i got 25 boxes x 25ft
We used it regularly, it lasted maybe 3 years but it got used.
Slight red face

 

[Cavalol]

Malcolm X built a small dwelling in his garden for his sister Anne to live in.

 

[Cavalol]

I visited a market this afternoon that only sold jelly and cream-based desserts.

It was a trifle bazaar

 

[Mr Celine]

Due to the cost of living crisis he's had to downsize and set off early this year -

 

[Chris S]

Due to the cost of living crisis he's had to downsize and set off early this year -

View attachment 669092

That number plate doesn't exist on the DVLA database.

 

[Andy_R]

We all know that commas can affect meaning,


and capitalization,


but not so many people know that a colon can,


.

How about swapping apostrophes for commas?

There's a May pole dancer.
Theresa May, pole dancer.

 

[Regular.Cyclist]

How about swapping apostrophes for commas?

There's a May pole dancer.
Theresa May, pole dancer.

Someone pass me some mind bleach quickly please!

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

How about swapping apostrophes for commas?

There's a May pole dancer.
Theresa May, pole dancer.

She could wear her leather trousers if that would help!

 

[tyred]

 

[Andy_R]

She could wear her leather trousers if that would help!

ewww....

 

[Cavalol]

I ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon.

They’ve sent me a Two Ronnie’s DVD.