Nibor
Bewildered
- Location
- Accrington
And they look like artichoke hearts to ruin the joke lol
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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And they look like artichoke hearts to ruin the joke lol
Legs
usually riding on Zwift...
- Location
- Staffordshire
We all know that commas can affect meaning,
and capitalization,
but not so many people know that a colon can,
.
and capitalization,
but not so many people know that a colon can,
.
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
I walked passed the YMCA yesterday, and there was a teenage boy sat outside stroking some feathers...
I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down...”
I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down...”
T4tomo
Legendary Member
its a slightly different, but true story, that having left a function at the Lords Long Room one evening and headed over to the Wellington Place gates for St Johns Wood Tube, having been assured they would still be open, only to find them locked an dunmanned. I was in for a long walk back to the main gate, but spied a ground staff golf cart, with the keys in, so had a nice little ride back there, and parked it up a subtle distance away and left with a cheery goodnight to the steward on the gate.
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
THE £50 pound note.
It's a slow day in a small country village and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.
A tourist visiting the area drives through the village, stops at the hotel, and lays a £50 pound note on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the hotel owner grabs the note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the £50 and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the £50 and heads off to pay his bill to his feed supplier.
The guy at the supplier takes the £50 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.
Now, the hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.
The hotel proprietor then places the £50 back on the counter so the traveller will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveller comes back down the stairs, stating that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the £50 pound note and leaves.
No one produced anything and no one earned anything!
However... the whole village now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere of optimism and glee!
And that, my friends, is how a government works!
It's a slow day in a small country village and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.
A tourist visiting the area drives through the village, stops at the hotel, and lays a £50 pound note on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the hotel owner grabs the note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the £50 and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the £50 and heads off to pay his bill to his feed supplier.
The guy at the supplier takes the £50 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.
Now, the hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.
The hotel proprietor then places the £50 back on the counter so the traveller will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveller comes back down the stairs, stating that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the £50 pound note and leaves.
No one produced anything and no one earned anything!
However... the whole village now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere of optimism and glee!
And that, my friends, is how a government works!
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
Doesn't that miss out the key bits, such as the profit made and work done?
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Methinks you may be overthinking this.....joke....
Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
How many blues musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One and then another ten to say that it's not as good as the original.
One and then another ten to say that it's not as good as the original.
KnittyNorah
Über Member
- Location
- The Frozen North (of England)
Dressmaking is often like that. I go into a fabric shop and ask 'Is that fabric 54 " wide?' If the answer is yes, it is, I will ask for(say) two and a half metres.
Sometimes the answer is no, it's 44 or 60" wide, and so I'll say, oh well I'll need a bit more (or a bit less, and depending on the pattern repeat if any) and the shop assistant will say something like 'we usually recommend an extra half a metre on this 60 inch fabric anyway, because of the size of the repeat'.
I bought some genuine vintage shirting a couple of years ago, the mill was selling it by the full bolt; as they said to me 'They are full twenty metre bolts, still on the board, but the fabric is only 36 inches wide, just so you know'
Chromatic
Legendary Member
- Location
- Gloucestershire
Henry Winkler get on a plane and an air stewardess asks him:
"Would you like some headphones?"
And Henry replies:
"That would be delightful but it's pronounced Fonz."
"Would you like some headphones?"
And Henry replies:
"That would be delightful but it's pronounced Fonz."
Jameshow
Veteran
Man takes his dog to the vet and the vet looks at the dog and says it's got a cancer and a heart condition and needs putting down!
Man says come on, you haven't done any tests and wants a second opinion...
So the vet does out to the waiting room and whistles to rover who comes in and says whoof!
Yes definitely C and cardiac..
Man says come on you can't be sure! yep says the vet.
I want another opinion so the vet goes to the waiting room and picks up a moggie - cat mewows at the sick dog.
Yes says the vet, deffo big C and cardio.
Man is very annoyed and goes to leave with his sick dog.
How much do I owe you??
£750
what your crazy....
Yes £150 is my fee..
£300 for the lab report....
£300 for the cat scan....🤣🤣🤣
Man says come on, you haven't done any tests and wants a second opinion...
So the vet does out to the waiting room and whistles to rover who comes in and says whoof!
Yes definitely C and cardiac..
Man says come on you can't be sure! yep says the vet.
I want another opinion so the vet goes to the waiting room and picks up a moggie - cat mewows at the sick dog.
Yes says the vet, deffo big C and cardio.
Man is very annoyed and goes to leave with his sick dog.
How much do I owe you??
£750
what your crazy....
Yes £150 is my fee..
£300 for the lab report....
£300 for the cat scan....🤣🤣🤣
Can someone help me out please? I know Henry VIII had 6 wives. There was Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard, Catherine Parr, but for the life of me I can’t remember the surname of Jane.....
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