JtB
Prepare a way for the Lord
- Location
- North Hampshire
The women lost, it's either "la computadora" (fem) or "el ordenador" (mas) so the men won.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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glenn forger
Guest
My mum was Scottish, my Dad was Native American. My name?
Och Eye The Noo.
Och Eye The Noo.
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
Who's the nicest person in the hospital?
The ultra-sound man.
The ultra-sound man.
glenn forger
Guest
Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?
The hip surgeon.
The hip surgeon.
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
To:
Mr. James Smith,
206 Andover Road,
Salisbury,
Wiltshire.
Dear Mr. Smith,
Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show.
I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are looking for in the show's contestants.
However, before we take this any further, I must point out that the name of the show is actually Fact Hunt.
In light of this, please let me know if we should proceed and contact the lady concerned.
Yours sincerely,
Charles Knight,
Light Entertainment,
BBC Television Centre,
London
Mr. James Smith,
206 Andover Road,
Salisbury,
Wiltshire.
Dear Mr. Smith,
Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show.
I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are looking for in the show's contestants.
However, before we take this any further, I must point out that the name of the show is actually Fact Hunt.
In light of this, please let me know if we should proceed and contact the lady concerned.
Yours sincerely,
Charles Knight,
Light Entertainment,
BBC Television Centre,
London
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
The other day I saw a man playing Dancing Queen on the Didgeridoo.
I thought, that's Aboriginal.
I thought, that's Aboriginal.
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
For Dads there is Fathers Day,
For mothers there is Mothers Day,
For Lovers there is Valentines Day
but for onanists there is Palm Sunday
For mothers there is Mothers Day,
For Lovers there is Valentines Day
but for onanists there is Palm Sunday
On the last day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The Sweet Shop owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of assorted sweets.
Then the Off-Licence owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the
liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The Sweet Shop owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of assorted sweets.
Then the Off-Licence owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the
liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
A man went to a urologist and told him that he was having a problem; he was unable to get his penis erect. The doctor told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him.
However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work if he were willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into the man's penis. The man thought about if for a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go tryout his newly renovated equipment. As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his flies and his penis immediately sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers. His girlfriend was stunned at first but then with a sly smile on her face said, "that was incredible! Can you do it again?"
With his eyes watering, he replied, "I think I can but I'm not sure if I can fit another bread roll up my backside..."
However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work if he were willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into the man's penis. The man thought about if for a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go tryout his newly renovated equipment. As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his flies and his penis immediately sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers. His girlfriend was stunned at first but then with a sly smile on her face said, "that was incredible! Can you do it again?"
With his eyes watering, he replied, "I think I can but I'm not sure if I can fit another bread roll up my backside..."
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.
Off we went to our local which is only 400 yards from the house.
I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it – so I had it.
Then I got him a Carling Black Label, he didn't like it, so I had it.
It was the same with the 1664 Lager and Premium Dry Cider.
By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push his pram back home.
Off we went to our local which is only 400 yards from the house.
I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it – so I had it.
Then I got him a Carling Black Label, he didn't like it, so I had it.
It was the same with the 1664 Lager and Premium Dry Cider.
By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push his pram back home.
PaulSB
Squire
- Location
- Chorley, Lancashire
RIP to our mouse, Elvis. He was caught in a trap.
