Any good jokes ... ?

[DaveReading]

I was on the phone to Powergen about my bill when I said to the wife "Pop into the garage with a pen and paper love and write down what it says on the meter"
She came back a minute later and handed me a piece of paper that said "Danger High Voltage"

Good job you didn't get the roles the other way round - that would never have worked.

 

[tyred]

 

[Andy_R]

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Like a corpse in the bathtub - grey and wet.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Andy in Germany]

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Remind me never to go to any social gathering you are organising.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Remind me never to go to any social gathering you are organising.

You got the wind up you Andy?

 

[Cavalol]

Last night I came home drunk from the pub on a pogo stick and got stopped by the police for jumping a red light.

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

A scouser and a cockney walk into a bakery.
The scouser steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the cockney, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
The cockney replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results." He then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.
The cockney asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?"
The cockney then said, "Look in the scouser's pockets."

 

[Cavalol]

Need everyone to wish me luck, please. I have a meeting at the bank later and if it all goes well I'll be out of debt. I'm so excited, I can barely put on my ski mask.

 

[Andy_R]

If Colgate kills 99.9% of germs, does Colgate Sensitive kill 99.9% of germs without hurting their feelings?

 

[Andy in Germany]

If Colgate kills 99.9% of germs, does Colgate Sensitive kill 99.9% of germs without hurting their feelings?

Don't be silly, it doesn't work like that.

it just feels very, very, sorry afterwards.

 

[tyred]

 

[Sharky]

I named my dog "Tenmiles", so I can tell all my friends that I walk ten miles every day.

 

[Dave7]

I named my dog "Tenmiles", so I can tell all my friends that I walk ten miles every day.

In that case I wonder if @Tenkaykev has a dog called tenkay