twentysix by twentyfive
Clinging on tightly
- Location
- Over the Hill
C'mon now - this is a cycle forum!!!!
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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- Location
- Shrewsbury, Shropshire
Must've been talking about a Brox.
mrandmrspoves
Middle aged bald git.
- Location
- Narfuk
Can I say other two and cross reference to the special interests section? (Trike rider!)
Amazing what dangers are lurking in the Shadows
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
"Working my way round the cliffs on a really narrow path and I came across a beautiful young woman coming the other way. It was so narrow there was no room to pass. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off." - Max Miller. And this was in the '40s.
Subject: Who should you marry? (written by kids)
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8
(isn't she a treasure)
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8
(isn't she a treasure)
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
Last edited by a moderator:
- Location
- Shrewsbury, Shropshire
I like number 3.
ArDee
Guru
- Location
- North of Buntingford, Hetfordshire
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery....
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you because you're not a monk."
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you because you're not a monk."
The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"
The monks reply, "You must travel the Earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk."
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.
He says, "I have travelled the Earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, "Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound."
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He asks, "May I have the key?"
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone....
The man requests the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He asks for another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.
And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,.. ...silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, "This is the key to the last door."
The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound.
It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight ............
...... But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you because you're not a monk."
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you because you're not a monk."
The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"
The monks reply, "You must travel the Earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk."
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.
He says, "I have travelled the Earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, "Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound."
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He asks, "May I have the key?"
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone....
The man requests the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He asks for another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.
And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,.. ...silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, "This is the key to the last door."
The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound.
It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight ............
...... But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
ArDee
Guru
- Location
- North of Buntingford, Hetfordshire
An elderly couple, who had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet... ...Please advise."
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet... ...Please advise."
GM
Legendary Member
- Location
- North of the river
A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle.... a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman. He leaned over to the sheep, put his arm around it. The sheepdog being ever protective of the sheep growled fiercely until he took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to good health.
When the young girl was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds and a warm gentle breeze.... perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but finally gave in and, realizing he now had the opportunity, he leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear,
Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to good health.
When the young girl was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds and a warm gentle breeze.... perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but finally gave in and, realizing he now had the opportunity, he leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear,
Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?
This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.
The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and quite a few glasses of single malt thereafter.
Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alco-test (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.
The Englishman answers with humor:
No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other side???
The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and quite a few glasses of single malt thereafter.
Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alco-test (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.
The Englishman answers with humor:
No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other side???
Last edited by a moderator:
.. or increase to 5 (Trike with Carry Freedom trailer)?
mrcunning
Über Member
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
Heisenberg, Gödel, and Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, ‘Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?’
Gödel replies, ‘We can't know that because we're inside the joke.’
Chomsky says, ‘Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.’
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream."
Sartre says "Then I'll have one with no milk please."
Gödel replies, ‘We can't know that because we're inside the joke.’
Chomsky says, ‘Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.’
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream."
Sartre says "Then I'll have one with no milk please."
